Str8Curious: How Do I Convince My Girlfriend to Play With My Butt?
Here’s How to Ask Your Partner to Start Giving You a Little Backdoor Pleasure
Here’s How to Ask Your Partner to Start Giving You a Little Backdoor Pleasure
Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at [email protected]).
The Question
I love when my girlfriend plays with my butt. Whether it’s licking, fingering, or inserting a toy, it results in the most intense orgasm. Unfortunately, this only seems to happen after a night of drinking and releasing inhibitions. When I’ve asked her to do it again as foreplay, she puts me down and asks “are you sure you’re not gay?” How do I explain to her that I am straight and that this is simply something that feels good? I don’t want to break up with her, but she’s coming across as very close-minded and prudish. – Jake, Indianapolis, IN
The Answer
Good on you for being unabashedly into ass play! There is a stupid stigma around anal sex being a strictly homo activity, when the reality is that all cis men have a prostate (our G-spot) and a sausage up the hallway can feel, well, pretty damn great.
I can assure you that you’re not alone — I know plenty of straight men who enjoy a thumb on the bum, or some sort of penetration. And how? Because their girlfriends talk (sorry). And as a gay guy, their girlfriends talk to us (sorry, again).
As I see it, there are three ways to approach this situation:
1. Reiterate That This Is Completely Normal
Has she spoken to other friends and knowledgeable gays about this? If she hasn’t, she’s certainly doing herself a disservice. Chances are likely that your buds also love one (or two) in the stink and she’ll feel a bit of relief to know that she’s not the only one in this position.
But if she isn’t going out of her way to be educated on the intricacies of pleasure zones, then such ignorance is not to be tolerated. It’s 2023 — read a book. Or even a simple internet search will suffice.
2. Ask Her What Else You Could Be Doing
Don’t make specific demands unless you’re also willing to deliver. Create a safe space that allows your girl to delve into the kinks, positions, and roleplay scenarios that get her off, but may be a bit unorthodox.
By making intimate exploration a shared experience, she’ll feel less like she’s doing you a favor and more like she’s an equal partner.
3. Dump Her
If you’re dating someone so close-minded that they continue to equate butt stuff to a complete disinterest in women, she doesn’t deserve you.
In fact, she can go find some Mormon missionary and, frankly, resort to a life of strictly missionary sex for the rest of her boring life.
Sexual compatibility is a major component of any romantic relationship. If she’s not budging in the bedroom, she’s maybe not the one for you.
Your rump, your lovely straight boy rump, is more than deserving of some extra love and attention…should you want it. Never feel ashamed for partaking in an innocent act that makes you, for lack of a better term, cum harder.
Of course, you don’t have to shout your preferences from the rooftop (these are behind-closed-door moments with your special someone, after all), but never settle for anyone who makes you feel guilty about a perfectly acceptable tongue lashing of the bunghole.
Life is short — live, laugh, and get off in peace.
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Source: AskMen
