Never Have I Ever: Helped a Partner Get an Abortion
One Guy’s Story of What It’s Like to Help Your Partner Get an Abortion
One Guy’s Story of What It’s Like to Help Your Partner Get an Abortion
Have you ever played “Never Have I Ever” before? Here are the rules: Everyone puts up ten fingers, and you go around in a circle and one by one share something sexy or scandalous that you’ve never done before. When someone else shares something you have done, you have to put one finger down — and of course, drink. The first person to put all 10 fingers down loses (or wins, depending on how you look at it).
Well, AskMen is still playing Never Have I Ever, and the rules are simple: In each edition of this column, we speak to someone about doing something new in bed, whether it’s a long-time fantasy, something that just happened, or even something they regret. They tell us everything so you get an inside look at what some sexual experiences are actually like.
It’s not sexy by any means, but accidentally getting someone pregnant when they don’t want to be pregnant is a part of life for lots of guys.
From that point, you might wonder, if it’s not your body that’s pregnant, but you played an equal role in the pregnancy, what can you do to help?
For Americans, that’s a less straightforward question than it used to be. In 2022, the passage of Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization in America — which overturned Roe v. Wade — brought abortion to the forefront of the national conversations.
With the new administration back in power, abortion, or the potential lack thereof, is on everyone’s mind once again.
States now hold the power to create their own abortion laws, without federal protections in place. For the partners of people who get pregnant, such anxieties can lead to questions about how to best handle terminating a pregnancy.
As a woman who doesn’t want children, I admit that it does seem fair to ask partners to pay for the procedure, especially given that today, several conservative states have restrictions on insurance covering abortions.
To learn about what it’s like to pay for a partner’s abortion, we spoke to Fred, a writer and editor who paid for a partner’s abortion in Washington D.C. after a condom broke.
AskMen: What were the circumstances in which you paid for someone’s abortion?
Fred: She and I were dating when she got pregnant, and I offered to take her to the clinic and pay for the procedure.
Was it a long-term partner or hook-up?
In between. We had been dating for just a few weeks. We used a condom and unfortunately it didn’t work.
Did you have to go through any privacy protections?
Not that I remember. The procedure happened at a Planned Parenthood in a liberal city where there weren’t any protestors or any kind of concerns in terms of the outside public.
Was your support financial, or emotional, too?
Both, though because our relationship was very new it was complicated, but I tried to offer as much emotional support as I could provide given how we didn’t know each other incredibly well yet. (We did both agree about her having the abortion without any conflict or anything like that).
Was the process difficult?
In terms of the logistics of the procedure, scheduling an appointment, going there, paying for it, talking about it before and after, that wasn’t difficult.
I can’t speak for her overall experience though of course, since she was the one who had to actually go through the physical procedure.
How much did it cost?
Something like $300-400.
Did insurance cover anything?
I’m not sure, but she didn’t have health insurance, so probably not.
EDITOR’S NOTE: AbortionFunds.org and ReproEquityNow.org are useful resources for people who need help paying for an abortion.
Was it medical or surgical? (procedure or abortion pill)
Surgical.
Do you think the partner should be financially responsible for paying?
I felt personally like I was responsible financially, not necessarily because I am male, but more because I had the means and felt that what she had to go through was much more potentially difficult than me just having less money.
If she had offered to pay or split it I would’ve said no and paid.
Do you have current concerns about access to such reproductive healthcare?
Absolutely. We were lucky to have such (relatively) easy and quick access and that nothing complicated arose other than the sheer fact of having to do the procedure itself. Everyone should have that access and that choice.
Not to mention the fact that anti-abortion laws risk death for many people who want to have children but have pregnancy complications, etc. But even without that, everyone should have access to reproductive healthcare, regardless of situation or finances.
What advice would you give to someone whose partner or friend is pregnant and needs help paying for an abortion?
Do everything you can to support the person in all possible ways. Pay for it if you can, help raise funds if you can’t. A person with an unwanted pregnancy can have more than enough to worry about without having to deal with the finances.
That doesn’t mean that I think someone who chooses an abortion should ever feel bad about it or necessarily have stress, but it happens, and financial support is the least we can all give.
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Source: AskMen
