Golden Rules for Amazing Sex
7 Golden Rules to Keep in Mind for Having an Awesome Sex Life
7 Golden Rules to Keep in Mind for Having an Awesome Sex Life
Sex is a complicated beast.
It’s no secret that it can be a source of incredible pleasure. However, for some people, it’s also a source of great anxiety, and, not infrequently, significant pain, both physical and emotional.
It can lead to mind-blowing orgasms and to Earth-shattering love stories; it can also lead to the transmission of unpleasant or seriously dangerous infections. On top of all that, it can lead to the birth of babies.
As a result, sex is something many people think about obsessively, and is the source of laws, financial transactions, decision-making, and moral, religious and ethical arguments.
In short, it’s complicated. And if you don’t have much experience with it, you might wonder how, exactly, you’re supposed to enjoy the benefits without experiencing the pitfalls.
Well, luckily for you, we’ve compiled a list of seven golden rules to follow when having sex. Read on, and you’re welcome for the good sex you’ll have as a result!
1. Learn Some Sexual Health Basics
Most people get at least some form of sex education before they turn 18, but it’s often not comprehensive and it may be undermined by conflicting information gleaned from non-reputable sources.
Making sure you’ve brushed up on the most recent information on STI prevention is a good idea; testing out a few different kinds of condoms to find a model that works for you is as well.
Furthermore, establishing a practice of getting tested regularly is an important part of being a sexually active person, to ensure you don’t unknowingly pass any infections on to others.
That kind of comfort with your sexual health can also help when it comes to talking to your doctor or other sexual health professional in case you start experiencing symptoms or physical outcomes you’re not familiar with.
2. Be Mindful of Consent
Next up, you’ll want to do some research into sexual consent and how it works.
Societal understandings of consent have evolved significantly in the past decade or two, but many people still harbor incorrect beliefs about what does and doesn’t constitute consent.
Another misapprehension is the idea that asking for consent can’t be sexy, since it’s rarely shown occurring in the stories that give us cultural scripts for sex and romance: porn, TV and movies.
Luckily, there are lots of different ways to ask for consent, and they can run the gamut from being formal and businesslike to silly and playful to downright sexy. In fact, asking for consent can basically double as dirty talk, if you know how to do it right.
It’s also of the utmost importance to remember that consent can be revoked, and just because someone agreed to something at the beginning doesn’t mean they’re obligated to see it through to the end.
That means you or your partner are allowed to cut things short if ever it’s not feeling OK, and as such, periodic check-ins are a good idea, especially if you’re having sex with someone whose body language and boundaries you’re less familiar with.
3. Engage in Foreplay
Once you’ve got some basics down when it comes to sexual health and consent, you’re ready to jump into bed with a partner of your choosing!
But having sex that doesn’t lead to violated boundaries or sexual infection transmission is one thing; having sex that’s really great is another. For that, you’ll want things to be pleasurable, and in most cases, that’ll require some foreplay.
This is especially important if the person you’re sleeping with has a vagina, since they typically require more time than penises to fully exhibit sexual arousal — in this case, lubrication.
While people with penises can often become fully erect and ready for penetration in a matter of seconds, becoming wet typically takes people with vaginas much longer, and sex without proper lubrication can be quite painful, in addition to increasing the risk of infection transmission.
So all this means is that engaging in sexual stimulation before penetration is of the utmost importance, to make sure everyone’s physically and mentally ready. This can take a variety of different forms:
giving each other a sensual massage, engaging in some French kissing, playing with breasts or nipples, engaging in manual stimulation like fingering or giving a handjob, dry humping, dirty talking to one another or role-playing together,and more.
Another incredibly popular sex act that works great as a form of foreplay is oral sex.
Whether it’s using your mouth to pleasure a vagina (cunnilingus), a penis (giving a blowjob), or even an anus (anilingus), thanks to your saliva and tongue, the mouth can deliver pleasure to a person’s genitals in ways that can be tough to beat, and some people will find receiving oral pleasure even more pleasurable than penetrative sex.
This is often particularly the case for people with clitorises, since they are statistically less likely to orgasm from penetrative sex.
4. Pleasure Your Partner
Guys often want to be known as being good in bed — but what does that actually mean? For lots of people, it means the ability to please your partner. How do you go about it?
For starters, it begins with caring about your partner’s pleasure. Being unselfish in bed is first and foremost about being in the mindset of giving a damn if the other person is having a nice time or not. Simply acting out a script in your head or focusing exclusively on your own orgasm will rarely produce a fun experience for your partner.
On the flip side, it is possible to care too much about your partner’s orgasm. If they sense that you’re obsessed with making them cum, they may feel pressured to fake an orgasm rather than gamble on having a real one.
But if your focus is simply on helping them have a nice time, they’re likely to feel relaxed enough to do just that — and may even be able to have multiple orgasms.
5. Enjoy Yourself
With all the expectations put on guys to be ‘good in bed,’ it can sometimes be easy to get caught up in trying to perform rather than to have fun. Good sex can be a question of balancing your pleasure and your partner’s — too much of one and you can be a selfish lover; too much of the other and you might have a miserable experience yourself.
So long as you do care about your partner’s pleasure and making them feel comfortable and desired, caring about your own pleasure is also an important component of an enjoyable experience. This could be a question of things like:
asking to explore your own desires and fantasies, trying out your favorite sex positions, guiding your partner towards better pleasuring you, engaging in mindfulness during sex,
or anything else that would bring you enjoyment.
6. Be Mindful of Your Ejaculation
Orgasms are incredibly awesome experiences, and having one during sex with someone else can be even more powerful than having one by yourself. However, if you’re the penetrating partner and you have a penis, orgasms are typically accompanied by ejaculation — and that can present some complications for a receiving partner.
For starters, getting an unexpected shot of semen in your face or mouth can be incredibly unpleasant, so giving your partner a quick warning when you’re about to orgasm is a must, so they have the opportunity to decide how to react.
Second, if you’re having sex with someone who could get pregnant, there’s a decent chance they may want you to pull out beforehand.
Even if you’re wearing a condom, they may feel more comfortable knowing that your ejaculation doesn’t have any chance of ending up in their vagina; and if it’s unprotected, though creampies can be fun for lots of people, ejaculating inside of someone without their consent is both a serious sexual violation and a potential source of an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.
Best course of action? Pull out just in case; otherwise, discuss your partner’s preferences with them beforehand so you’re clear on what they like and what they’re comfortable with.
7. Engage in Some Aftercare
Whether you or your partner had orgasms or not (or many of them!), eventually, sex will need to come to an end. After sex, it’s a good idea to engage in what’s known as ‘sexual aftercare.’ This term comes from the kink community, but it can be useful even for people having so-called ‘vanilla sex.’
It’s simply a question of recognizing that post-sex can be an intimate and vulnerable time, and taking a moment to check in with each other about your needs and feelings can go a long way toward ensuring that it ultimately feels like a pleasurable experience for all parties involved.
This could involve post-coital cuddling, talking about what you liked or didn’t like during the sex, having a glass of water or a snack together or otherwise simply being there together rather than immediately separating. It’s a recognition that, like how a good buildup makes sex more exciting, a good comedown is also part of the experience.
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Source: AskMen
