Does Your Girlfriend Masturbate?
Everything You Need to Know About Your GF’s Self-Pleasure Habits (and Why You Should Encourage Them)
Everything You Need to Know About Your GF’s Self-Pleasure Habits (and Why You Should Encourage Them)
You had back-to-back meetings at the office, you somehow made it to the gym and you met your buddies for some brews. On top of everything you’re juggling on a daily basis, you also deal with the typical stresses that come from being successful and having an active, happy social life. And one way that you blow off steam?
Well, by giving your guy some attention down there as you think about the sexy women of your past and dream of the ones in the future. While most men are pretty upfront about how often they masturbate and how helpful it is to their mental health, women aren’t always so forthcoming.
And it’s not because their sex drives are lower or they don’t watch porn or they just don’t care about solo acts. Nope, for women, masturbation just isn’t usually a hot topic in their relationship, or even with their girlfriends. Not because they don’t do it (trust us, we’ll get there — they definitely do) but because it’s not often part of the sexual routine of couples. Even though, as you’ll learn, it should be.
In fact, when it comes to your girlfriend (or the leading lady of your life right now), you might find yourself wondering if she ever takes care of herself when you’re not around. Not only is it a sexy thought, but hey, it might help you understand what she fantasizes about or what gets her going the next time you meet for a romp. After all, watching her take care of herself is a first-hand experience into watching the stages of her orgasm: from how she gets wet, to how she moves, to what point makes her hornier than others, to how she finally reaches that grand finale.
If you’re curious about your girlfriend’s masturbation habits — and you’re not sure how to approach this often hush-hush topic — our experts give you tips on how to talk about it effectively:
1. How Common Is Female Masturbation?
It’s estimated that about 92 percent of women masturbate — yep, for real. And while that’s definitely a big number, the difference is that women don’t masturbate nearly as often as men do. Whatever the reason for that, it’s highly likely that your partner does perform a solo act — just not as frequently as you would like to imagine. Just like there’s no specific rhyme or reason why you masturbate every single day and your buddy doesn’t do it as often, the same goes for women. As sex experts explain, it really varies, depending on the woman.
“For women who masturbate regularly, it is common; for women who don’t, it is not common. I work with some women who masturbate on a regular basis and enjoy it and other women who say that when they are with someone they don’t masturbate at all. I really think it varies from woman to woman,” says Dr. Dawn Michael, clinical sexologist and relationship expert.
The other thing to consider about female masturbation is the stereotype that’s often associated with self-pleasure and women. While you started getting wet dreams and surprise hard-ons at random times and began understanding your sexuality as a pre-teen or teenager, your girlfriend likely had a much different experience. Men are often told to masturbate and to “get it out” — while women are often told to wait or to suppress what they’re feeling. “Female masturbation is not as common as male masturbation, for many reasons. But one cause is because there is still a stigma when it comes to self-pleasuring,” says Dr. Nikki Goldstein, sexologist and clinical psychologist. “Men are encouraged to, but at what point do we say to a young woman that ‘it’s OK to touch yourself?’”
2. What Are the Benefits of Female Masturbation for Your Relationship?
As you know from your own experiences stroking one out, masturbation is not only an enjoyable experience (hello, orgasm on demand!), but it’s an educational one. By taking time to try new things, moves, pressures, oils and more, you start to have a clearer picture of what gets you to the point of ecstasy and what doesn’t. This not only makes you more satisfied, but it helps your sex life with your girlfriend, too. When your partner takes time to touch herself, experience new toys and allow her mind (and body) to be more liberated, your sex life will improve, too.
“It is optimal to know one’s body and how to give yourself pleasure,” explains Michael. “Also, masturbating at least every week or more is important because it regulates your body, and keeps the desire going.” What does she mean? If your girlfriend is in a sexy mood — maybe because she watched a romantic film or just woke up feeling wet and has some fun thoughts of you — it’s better for her to act on this impulse because it makes her more likely to have sex more often. “Women who tend to masturbate less, feel less desire generally. Even if desire is not the catalyst to initially masturbate, once stated, the desire or arousal can happen. She should make it a part of her health regimen,” Michael recommends.
Another perk of female masturbation for your girlfriend? It gives her control of her own orgasm. While — of course — she enjoys having sex with you, when a woman is empowered to conquer and improve her own sexuality, she will not only be more confident with her partner, but she’ll be happier with her sex life holistically, too. As Goldstein says, there’s something sexy about a woman who not only knows what she wants, but knows how to get it, too.
3. What Are Some Ways Women Masturbate?
Though the wind blowing the right way or a random thought of a past encounter or a big fantasy you have about a threesome are all things that could get you in the mood to play with yourself, women aren’t as keen to get frisky so quickly. It takes a little more to turn on a woman, even if she’s merely masturbating and not having sex with a partner.
While every woman is different and have varying habits, female masturbation tends to focus on the the clitoris, which gives the most intense pleasure and produces orgasms far more often than penetration. As Abby, a 29-year-old from New York says: “When I’m masturbating, I always use some lotion or oil to make sure I’m in the mood down there. I sometimes will use a vibrator or a toy, but mostly, I just use my hands to make small circles on my clit until I come.”
Another woman, Meredith, who says she masturbates every other day, gets a little more creative: “Sometimes, when I’m really in the mood and my boyfriend is out of town, I’ll set up the whole scene. I’ll take a bath, I’ll drink a little wine. I’ll watch some porn on the Internet and then start using a vibrator to warm myself up. I always finish by using the vibrator and my hands at the same time.”
For Julie, a 30-year-old from North Carolina, masturbation is part of her and her husband’s sexual routine. “He really likes to watch me masturbate — it gets him really hot. Sometimes before we have sex, he’ll just ask me to touch myself, while he strokes himself. It’s really intimate, oddly, to watch one another get turned on before we actually have sex. We use it as foreplay.”
Other women, who don’t touch themselves as often, like Kelly from Los Angeles, say that masturbation is something they only do when frustrated or stressed out. “I’m single, so I don’t have as much sex as my friends who are in long-term relationships. That’s a misconception, by the way: single women aren’t just banging everyone, we’re often the ones who resort to masturbation as a way to release tension and have some fun, because dating can be so difficult and degrading. When I’ve had a long work day or get into a fight with my friend, or have had a really bad date, I’ll sometimes masturbate until it makes me tired enough to let go of stress and go to sleep. It’s not the sexiest thing, but I’ve learned to rely on masturbation as a coping mechanism to get through difficult times without a partner.”
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4. How Can You Talk About Masturbation?
You might ask your girlfriend all sorts of questions on a daily basis: How’s your day? What are we having for dinner? Did you ever hear back about that job you applied to? The dog didn’t poop this morning, and I’m worried; what do you think? Keeping in contact with your partner is a huge part of a healthy relationship, but asking her the one thing you want to know can be tough.
How do you ask her if she touches herself without sounding like a total creep or like you’re only asking for your benefit?
Approaching the topic might be a tough one, but experts say it’s better to be honest and thoughtful when talking about her masturbation habits. Michael says that one easy way to approach is by trying the show-and-tell method. The next time you’re starting to get hot-and-heavy together, whisper in her ear: “It really turns me on to see you get turned on, baby. Do you ever get turned on when I’m not here and you’re by yourself?” In the moment, when she’s already in the mood, she might be more likely to be vocal about her desires, her fantasies and how she’s feeling or what she does.
Or another way to tackle the topic, Michael says, is to discuss masturbation when you’re actually separated, so you can’t be physical with one another. While sexting definitely has grown in popularity compared to phone sex, be brave enough to pick up the phone and get steamy together. This way, you’re encouraging her to touch herself and you can also hear when she starts to. Then, when you’re reunited (and it feels so good!), you can talk about how happy — and horny! — it made you to hear her masturbate and ask her if she does it frequently. It can also open up the doors to mutual masturbation, which Goldstein says is another practical way to approach the conversation.
“Don’t speak about it as a solo act but something that can be done together. A woman might want to touch herself while a man kisses and caress other parts of her body. It could also be a real turn on to watch each other masturbate,” Goldstein says.
If all else fails, there’s also an argument, according to Michael, for using masturbation as a way to improve her health and her sexual desire. As discussed, the more often she masturbates, the more in the mood she’ll be for actual intercourse, especially as she begins to discover the clues and the indicators of orgasms. If your girlfriend is struggling to get in the mood lately and your sex life is dwindling, it’s normal to talk to her about a solution and what you can do to help. You can suggest watching her masturbate so you can understand how she does it and what works for her.
Or you could try touching her and showing her how you usually go about navigating her regions down there, and then let her take over the work. You could also try masturbating together: she touches her clitoris gently and in circles, while you finger her — or, if she’s into it, shock her, for a bigger effect. While the scene might be super hot (and a major, major turn on!) for you, what it’s actually doing is teaching her more about her body. And in turn, it might make her want to have sex more often.
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Source: AskMen
