What Is a Unicorn?
Here’s What You Should Know About Unicorns — in a Sexy Context, That Is
Here’s What You Should Know About Unicorns — in a Sexy Context, That Is
Have you heard the term ‘unicorn’ floating around in the dating zeitgeist?
Like the namesake mythological creature, unicorns are as rare a find in dating as they are in lore. But what does this little bit of sex slang actually mean?
“Unicorn sex is when an established couple seeks a third person, most frequently a woman, to have recreational or casual sex with,” explains Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, C-PST, resident therapist for AdamEve.com.
Finding a casual third party to join in on a threesome with you and your partner is rare enough — but finding one that doesn’t threaten the relationship, is attracted to both men and women and is happy to play guest star? That, readers, is a true sexual unicorn.
If you’re wondering whether or not a unicorn might be right for you and your partner (and, of course, where to find one), you’ve come to the right place. Here’s everything you need to know about sexual unicorns.
What Is a Unicorn & Why Are They Called That?
Unicorns, in the dating world, traditionally refer to a bisexual woman who would join a sexual experience with a heterosexual couple as a guest star.
Unlike a throuple, where three partners are all in a committed relationship with one another, a unicorn joins the couple to provide sexual satisfaction only, without taking part in other parts of the relationship. It might be on a one-time basis, or it could be recurring.
“Because finding a willing third party in this context is not considered all that easy, the term ‘unicorn’ emerged to symbolize the scarceness and magic of such a find,” Skyler explains.
Dos & Don’ts for Couples Engaging With Unicorns
Inviting a unicorn (assuming you can find one) into your relationship to engage in intimate fun needs to be done correctly. Here are a few dos and don’ts to remember to ensure your unicorn experience is as magical as possible.
Do Make Sure You’re Both on the Same Page
In a relationship, it can sometimes be tempting to go along with something your partner is really into — even if you’re not that into it yourself.
Inviting a unicorn into your relationship in an intimate way should definitely not be one of those times where one partner is 100% on board while the other one feels ambivalent but goes with it anyway.
“Make sure you are both on the same page with your reasons for engagement and boundaries before seeking your third person,” says Skyler.
Don’t Forget to Treat the Unicorn With Respect
All parties involved in any sexual act should have a shared mutual respect for one another, but this especially goes for the unicorn in the scenario who is the most vulnerable.
You and your partner are likely comfortable with one another and can read each other, but the unicorn might not understand your non-verbal cues. Make sure you and your partner are checking in with the unicorn and respecting her boundaries as well.
Do Have Conversations With the Unicorn Beforehand
Spending time with your unicorn before inviting them back to your place allows all three parties to test the waters and see if the vibe is right for this type of arrangement.
It helps build trust and anticipation and lets everyone involved have important conversations beforehand. “Learn more about the unicorn’s reasons, needs, and boundaries,” Skyler recommends.
Don’t Assume You Always Have to Be a Part of the Action
No matter your role in a threesome with a unicorn, it’s inevitable that there will be downtime.
“With three parties present, there is a lot of ebb and flow where one or more persons may be sitting as the observer,” says Skyler, which is perfectly OK.
Do Take Time to Process Your Emotions Afterward
Inviting a third person into your committed relationship may bring up emotions you didn’t think it would.
While open and honest conversation with all parties involved can go a long way to help the experience run smoothly, there’s always the potential for feelings of jealousy or inadequacy to creep up afterward.
If this happens, having a trusted person like a therapist or close friend you trust to unpack these feelings is critical.
How to Find a Unicorn for a Threesome
You’ve considered the do’s and don’ts and talked at length with your partner about inviting a unicorn in for some threesome fun. Now, it’s time to find the right unicorn for the job. Here are a few tips to get your search started.
Download Feeld
While plenty of dating apps on the market have features that help connect users with other users who are down to be a third, Feeld is the one that’s most geared toward non-monogamous daters, and given its current popularity, it’s likely where you’ll have the most luck finding a unicorn.
Like most modern dating apps, you swipe through nearby users with the option to like profiles you’d like to be connected to. If they like you back, you’ll be able to chat (and send photos) with your potential match.
Here, however, rather than setting up a dual-profile as a couple, you and your partner can each create separate profiles and then link them through the app.
Try the UnicornD App
Though this app has fewer active users than Feeld, UnicornD is a platform specifically for unicorns and people who want to find them.
While you may have fewer matches, this app may have more users there for the same reasons you are. Users can also add preferences and filter matches with requirements, which helps tailor the unicorn search considerably.
Explore Non-Monogamous Clubs & Meetups
“Some major cities have clubs for non-monogamous fun as well as speed dating specifically geared for non-monogamous dating,” says Skyler. “If you prefer to meet people face-to-face at first, look for one of these venues.”
Remember, unicorns in dating got their name from being a rare find. Don’t be discouraged if your initial search efforts aren’t successful. Finding the right unicorn takes time and is worth the wait.
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Source: AskMen
