All men (and, ahem, women) have a catalog of memories from past sexual encounters that can be utilized — and fantasized about — when the mood strikes. From your first intimate encounters as a young adult to when you really started to get the hang of it, and all of the moments in between, those racy thoughts aren’t just nice to indulge in, but they can make your masturbation habit go from just-fine to super-hot.
Of those reveries, one of the sexiest that really gets you going is anytime your partner has touched herself in front of you. While your hands or mouth might not have been invited to play along, there’s something incredibly erotic and inspiring about watching a girl warming herself up with careful, intentional strokes and movements. It can help you identify the pressure points that you should be focusing on the next time you have a romp together and it opens up a whole other dimension to your sexual routine as a couple.
In addition to some very real health benefits — increased blood flow, happy endorphins and a radiant sex drive — masturbating can bring you closer, open up a plethora of new experiences to try together and get you out of a boring rut. While too much of a good thing might be a bad thing, when both you and your female partner play with yourselves on a semi-regular basis, you might be mighty surprised with just how much of difference it can make in your sex lives.
But if your current lady isn’t as keen to masturbate, it could be tough for you to build up the courage to ask her to touch herself in front of you, or even start that conversation. But many sexual experts agree: two willing parties who invest in both their pleasure and their partner’s make for a healthier, happier sex life and relationship. Thankfully for you, we’ve rounded up the best advice on how to get your girl to go to town… all by herself.
1. Why Playing With Herself Is Great For Her (And For You)
While most women usually learn best through oral communication, the majority of men learn better through visualization and practice. Even outside of the classroom, these same mechanics apply, meaning that when you are trying to up your sexual game and improve those skills, watching is often more helpful to you than hearing about it.
When your leading lady is playing with herself and you are merely watching — instead of participating — you are getting great insight into her pleasure zones. With every movement, moan, grip on the sheets and deep stare into your eyes, you get a stronger understanding of what brings her to the point of ecstasy.
In addition to the visualizations that you will definitely masturbate to later, you might even get turned on by how confident your woman comes across while doing this. As sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein explains, “Female masturbation allows a woman to understand her body and her sexual functioning.” And what’s hotter — for her and for you: Goldstein notes that playing with herself gives her control over her sexual pleasure, instead of the ball always being in your court; she gets to take responsibility for her own orgasm. As sex expert Coleen Singer says, “Masturbation can make you more sexually comfortable and confident.”
In addition to building confidence, when your girl plays with herself, she is also opening up the doors to kinky experiments down the road. For example, if she is using a toy on herself and discovers a new erotic zone she never knew existed, she might ask you to try and find it with your fingers the next time you are fingering her. Or if she gets a little adventurous and tries some anal touching, only to discover she doesn’t hate it, she could be more into anal play in the future. “Experimenting with what feels good and makes you respond positively can lead to better sexual experiences, both alone and with your partner,” Singer says.
Possibly one of the biggest bonuses when your lady plays with herself is the increased blood flow it sends to her most private areas, which in turn, can motivate her sex drive and yearnings, while also producing those feel-good endorphins that keep her mood energized and lighthearted. In fact, after a never-ending day at the office that was filled to the brim with meetings, taking a workout class, walking your pup and cooking something for dinner, masturbation might be just what your girlfriend needs to let go of her stress. “Masturbating increases blood flow throughout your body and releases feel-good brain chemicals called endorphins,” Singer says. “While men are more likely to talk about blowing off steam by masturbating, research suggests it is a stress-reliever for both sexes.”
Now that you know how beneficial female masturbation truly is, how do you pass on the wisdom to your girlfriend? These tips will get the conversation — and hopefully the playtime — started:
2. Adopt The “Two Hands Are Better Than One” Policy
Women aren’t typically encouraged to play with their bodies, especially since young girls are developing at younger and younger ages. While your dad might have explained how to get rid of that morning wood, it is probably safe to say that your girlfriend’s mom didn’t give the same lesson when she felt wet for the first time. One way to help your partner feel more comfortable touching herself is to make it a shared, welcoming and no-pressure type of situation. “Start by placing your hand on top of her hand, and slowly move it down her body. Then simply ask her to touch herself and tell her you love to watch,” Singer advises. “Maybe even say something along the lines of ‘show me what you like, I want to pleasure you.’” By having your hand nearby, and possibly even jumping in if she needs more motivation, you are showing her that you will be patient and work hard to make sure she gets there, just with a little added direction from herself.
3. Play With Yourself In Front Of Her
If your girlfriend has ever complained that you watch too much porn or she feels turned off by your daily masturbation habit, a good solution is to involve her in the practice. Instead of watching strangers get it on on your computer or the big screen, why not actually have real sex with someone you love, while both fulfilling your fantasies and reaching a higher state of orgasm? Sounds like a win-win to us!
Another added benefit of touching yourself in front of your partner is that it builds intimacy and trust. You are being brave and bold enough to have your girlfriend watch you do an intimate act, while encouraging her to do the same intimate act with herself. It will likely be a rather erotic experience for both of you the first time you try it, but we bet it’ll lead to some pretty incredible sex.
4. Go On A Shopping Trip
Chances are your girlfriend loves to spend some time shopping, right? Even if you typically hate joining her, take it from the shoe store to the sex store to make it more fun for both of you. Not only is it a thought-provoking experience to look at the various books, movies, toys, lubes and clothes, but you can find something that works for your personal, unique sex life together. Singer advises against buying your partner a sex toy or a vibrator without her approval because these devices “are very personal, and unless you know exactly she likes, it is a really bad idea to buy her one; it could possibly send the wrong message.” By going together, you can laugh at some of the outrageous things, while having her try on lingerie and picking out lubes and toys you both can get the most fun out of.
As for toys that might work? Singer shares some insights: “One particularly fun one that is available is the OhMiBod line of high tech vibrators that can be used solo or connected to a smartphone app to allow your partner to control the device over bluetooth,” she says. “Fun stuff! Combining a vibrator applied to your clit as you are fingering yourself is a wonderful blend of interactive elements sure to bring you to awe-inspiring orgasms.”
5. Watch Porn Together
You might be into blondes who give blowjobs or a threesome type-of-deal but your girlfriend probably wants something different out of an erotic film. If you want her to play with herself, you can suggest having a variation on your typical “takeout and watch Netflix”-type of night in: drink more wine and watch a porno instead. Just keep in mind that you might have to do a little digging to find something that will tickle both of your fantasies and being patient is key, especially since it might take your girlfriend longer to work up the nerve and to get very much in the mood.
“More and more women are now enjoying watching adult movies in many styles and genres, and watching them together as a couple is a great way to introduce mutual masturbation. This does take a bit of communication to find the ‘right porn,’ but a quick Google search of ‘porn for women’ will quickly give you a good variety of options to consider,” Singer says.
When you do find something you like, make sure the quality is better — not only because it will be less disruptive to the action but it is for a great cause. As Singer notes:”Please be kind and buy it either as a VoD, DVD or website membership stream. Avoid the tubes as the quality is generally pretty bad, plus much of the content on those kind of sites is pirated, which harms the adult studios and performers. Bonus: buying something makes it feel a bit more special!”
Another idea? Some women like to read more than they enjoy watching pornos. Adult erotica might actually be another solution that could boost her sex drive and make her turned on enough to play with herself, especially if she is by herself and you are not around to pleasure her. You can buy her some best-rated books or ask her if she’d ever be into a romance novel with an X-rated plot. “With pretty much all of us now owning an iPad or tablet device, it has never been easier to view this kind of content privately in the form of streaming movies or erotic eBooks,” Singer adds.
6. Encourage Her To Spend Time Masturbating Alone (And Then Tell You About It)
While getting involved in playtime together is always a hot experience, it is also important for your lady to feel liberated and free enough to try the practice on her own. She might not feel the same pressure that she might feel when you are around her and it also might make it easier for her to reach orgasm as she truly takes her time without worrying about your pleasure, too. Singer says the best time to do this is when the house is empty and she is truly alone. Even if you are watching the game in the next room, it could distract her from whatever toys, films or thoughts she needs to focus on to get into the mood for solo play.
“Many women are reluctant to masturbate as they fear being walked in on by their spouse or children. The fear of being too loud or being caught will stop most women from giving into their little ‘guilty pleasures’ and make having an orgasm more difficult due to that mental distraction,” Singer explains. “Encourage your partner to find a time when she knows she will be completely alone in the house, no matter what, and have her enjoy herself.”