1. The Vice Grip
Whoever had just gained access to your breasts made this classic error of deductive reasoning: If breasts feel kind of like fleshy stress balls, then they must clutched as such. Every possessor of breasts has probably felt the unpleasant sensation of fingers digging in with full force at least once in their life and, with age, has learned that this is a brilliant indicator that sex with this person is probably worth skipping.
2. The Movie Theater Sneak-Around
A movie theater excursion was a fancy treat for your breasts. About 20 minutes in, your date would lean back, stretch out their arms (literally no one ever does this at the movies without an ulterior motive), and wrap one around your shoulders. Then when they had worked up the nerve, their hand would snake down to your jugg-ular region and snag a squeeze. All worth the price of admission.
3. Bra-gging Rights
Your partner was particularly versatile when it came to feeling you up, alternating between light fondling and gentle nipple-circling. The only thing they wouldn’t do was actually go under the bra, probably because no one’s 100 percent sure if that’s second base or third base anymore. But it was all OK, because their moves were so good you didn’t even care.
4. The Teat Traveler
Your second base partner-in-crime would glue their hand to your breast and move it in wide, circular motions, as if trying to take it on a brief trip or an advanced yoga class. Depending on the pressure exerted on said breast, this sensation could range from “eh, I’ll take it” to wishing your poor boob could find a realistic method of escape.
5. Stacked Cups
Even if your bra offered full underwire support, it couldn’t compare to this move, where the person would cup your breasts from underneath and tenderly jiggle them, essentially making the world’s most flattering undergarment with their hands. The physical sensation didn’t exactly turn you on, but your breasts reached new, prepossessing heights, right along with your actual relationship.
6. Takes Two to Tangle
You’d be making out, and your partner would take the leap and attempt to unhook your bra from the back. After a few tries, you’d be tempted to say something like “push in instead of pulling,” but out of fear of ruining the moment even more, you would just keep kissing them instead. Finally, they gave up and pretended like getting lost in your bra clasps was all part of the plan.
7. Unwavering Support
This was when the tit-toucher in question would simply place their hand on your breast and just … hold it there, probably because they were just so terrified/amazed/overwhelmed with emotion. This would do absolutely nothing for you, but it did make their nervousness really endearing! Even slightly grazing the majesty of your chest was considered A Life-Changing Moment to them (and rightfully so.)