I split from my ex in May this year after being together for seven years. The relationship was very on-off. I really loved her, but I’m a bit of a workaholic and neglected her.
She called time on it and, at first, I was OK with that. I carried on as normal, we still spoke and I tried to move on.
She had a really big personality and, as time has passed, I have grown to miss her a lot.
In August I went to see her and we both got upset, but after that she decided she couldn’t talk any more as it was too hard and has now blocked me from social media and so on. I have been speaking to her friend and she has told me to give my ex some space.
The problem is, I’m still in love with her and I miss her so much. I tried leaving hundreds of Post-it notes – saying I missed her and asking for forgiveness – all over her street and on her route to work.
I thought it was a humorous grand gesture, but she got upset.
The other day she unblocked me and told me she’d been seeing someone else but it was over now, and that I should have given her what she wanted when I was with her.
Then she asked me to stay away and said she was blocking me again.
I got upset, went down to her flat and ended up climbing up to the first floor window, trying to get her attention. I embarrassed myself again in front of all her neighbours.
I wish I didn’t miss her so much but I do. I just feel as if my best friend has gone and it hurts. I’m trying to move on and change lots of things for the better, but it’s hard.
What do you suggest?
I definitely think you need to back off or the next thing will be that she takes out a restraining order out against you. You can’t attempt to climb through someone’s window.
And if you are trying to win her back, being this full-on will be putting her off, at best, or scaring the life out of her.
I would question someone who behaved like that. When you split up, it was the right decision at the time. She made the choice to walk away and you have to respect her decision.
You can’t make someone love you, I’m afraid. When you were together you were too busy with your job to commit fully to the relationship, but just because you’re ready now doesn’t change the past. Life doesn’t work like that.
You need to back off and leave her alone – you are not doing yourself any favours by acting in this manner.
And when you do meet someone else, try and learn from this relationship. If you’re busy, remember to make your partner feel wanted and needed. You have to find a more workable balance when you embark on a relationship.
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