My boyfriend and his mum fell out recently when I was away with work. It was over the fact that she is still friends with women he dated years ago but he wants his past to stay in the past.
The argument was triggered when one of these women wouldn’t stop pestering us.
His mum threw him out of her house (swearing in the process), so I had to call my mother while I was abroad to ask if he could stay at ours as he had nowhere else to go. He’s been living with us for almost two months now.
Every time he has been back to his mum’s to pick up his things she has argued with him and won’t allow him to resolve the situation.
We then went over there together when no one was in to pick up his TV and he saw messages between his mother and her partner saying they think it’s all my fault!
Apparently, I’m “pulling the strings” when all I’ve done is tell my partner to try and calmly resolve the situation.
Since then, my partner has found out via someone else that she’s been talking about me behind my back to the mother of the girl who was pestering us.
Not once has she approached me and spoken to me since their fall out two months ago.
My partner insists she owes us both an apology and says he wants nothing more to do with her.
I feel very angry that she didn’t have the decency to speak to me in the first place and that she could say such hurtful things about me when we’ve always got along so well. I’m not a spiteful person. Where do I go from here?
Why don’t you go round and talk to her on your own? When she opens the door, just say, “Any chance we can clear the air and move forward?”
Tell her you felt hurt and confused because you thought you got on well, but you’ve heard she thinks the situation is all your fault.
And make sure she knows you’re the one encouraging her son to resolve it. Then if it’s not sorted out, at least you know you’ve tried your best.
I don’t know his mum’s reasons – maybe she’s a bit jealous of you because her son is so wrapped up in your relationship.
The whole staying friends with someone’s ex is a tough one. Break-ups don’t just affect the couple – they can also affect groups of friends and your family, many of whom don’t want to split with your partner even if you have!
I’ve got on great with some of my sons’ previous girlfriends but, as a mum, you do have to think about how your relationship with an ex will affect your child’s current partner.
Finally, don’t listen to other people gossiping – zone that out. If you and your boyfriend are happy, who cares?
Yes, it’s a shame his mum has thrown her toys out of the pram but, if you can’t resolve it, the only thing to do is walk away and wait for her to come round.
Hopefully, once she’s had a chance to calm down and think things through, she’ll realise it’s not worth losing her son over.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems