I’m a 48-year-old man and my partner is 54. We’ve been together for two and a half years now, yet she still questions me all the time about my former partners. It’s done in a lighthearted way, even though she’s admitted she has a “hang up” about one of them.
When I ask her why she constantly quizzes me about these women from my past, she says that she likes to “see me squirm” because she knows I don’t like talking about them.
In addition to this, if I’ve been talking to another woman, she’ll sometimes joke around, saying we were flirting.
However, these jokes go on for a while and can become irritating. Could she be hiding insecurities?
Yes, it could be a sign of insecurity and she’s simply looking for reassurance. So it might be something that’s really easily solved by showing her more obviously that you fancy her and love her.
You don’t have to do this all the time, but the odd romantic gesture can go a long way to defuse things. It could be an age thing – you’re not 50 yet and perhaps she’s suddenly feeling her age and wondering if it’s something that bothers you, too.
However, I agree – it’s very draining when a partner keeps questioning you or doubting you, even if it is said in a jokey way. Don’t get flustered or annoyed by it, but don’t pander to her either. If she accuses you of flirting, just cut the conversation and move it on.
She’ll realise her tactics aren’t working and also that she’s getting on your nerves. If she questions you about your exes, don’t squirm. Say they’re in the past so you’re not going talk about them and, again, move on to talking about something else.
If you haven’t given her any reason to feel insecure, then it’s something within her that she has to deal with.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems