I’ve always been overweight. I’m quite shy and never know what to say to people, so growing up I never had many friends. I never had a boyfriend until I was 22 when I met my now husband.
Back then, I was a size 20 and he told me he loved me just as I was.
He’s always been overweight, too, and we got married a year after meeting. We’ve been together for 12 years.
We have both always loved our food and our life together has revolved around it. We have a tradition of having a big Chinese takeaway every Friday night and we go for pub lunches every Saturday or Sunday and enjoy chocolate every night after dinner.
However, a few months ago I had a health scare and at the same time saw a picture of myself at a friend’s wedding and realised I looked huge.
I started making my own lunch to take to work instead of buying a sausage roll and crisps, and I lost 7lb in a month. This spurred me on and I gave up fizzy drinks and joined my local diet club.
I’ve made really good friends there and have started learning all about healthy food and cooking.
I’ve now gone from a size 24 to a size 16 in eight months. I feel great and so much more confident. But instead of being happy for me, my husband has been miserable.
He keeps trying to sabotage my diet by encouraging me to eat badly and when I drop a dress size he says I looked better before and he doesn’t know why I’m bothering to diet.
I thought he’d be happy for me. Why is he being like this?
Oh, bless him. It sounds as if he’s massively insecure and terrified that the slim new you is going to leave him.
You’re looking great, feeling great and he’s now worried that when you go out, blokes will fancy you.
And I’m sure he’s thinking, “Here I am, still overweight, and she won’t fancy me any more.”
It’s a really common scenario that when one partner loses weight, the other sees it as a threat.
So rather than arguing or having a go at him for not supporting you, sit down and let him know you do still love him and you’re not losing all this weight because you want to find somebody else.
Drum it into him that this is about your health scare and it’s unhealthy to be a size 24. And while you’re at it, encourage him to lose weight and get fit with you.
You could go on long walks together, cut back on your takeaways so they’re a really nice once-a-month treat, instead of a weekly one.
I do think he’s frightened to death of losing you, so just chat about it. But don’t let him put you off becoming fit or encourage you to go back to your old eating habits.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems