My boyfriend has said that unless our sex life improves, our relationship is over.
He blames all our problems on me. I’m particularly upset as he knows I’m not very experienced sexually, yet he still feels he can put this kind of pressure on me.
He doesn’t try with foreplay and tends to go straight to the act. Then after sex he just watches a movie with headphones on.
Obviously I feel very loved (not!).
Our relationship is good apart from this.
He’s being very selfish and taking you for granted. I know it’s not easy, but if you’re determined to make it work, you need to tell him how you feel.
You both need to talk about what you want when it comes to sex.
Ask him specifically what he’d like to improve – listen to him and then tell him what you want (ie, more foreplay).
You might agree with some points and disagree with others.
But if you can’t agree or make compromises in the interests of pleasing each other, then maybe you’ll have to accept that you’re sexually incompatible.
What you mustn’t do is let him blame you – it takes two to get that chemistry going.
The more he blames you, the less confident you’ll become – he needs to know this.
If he’s more experienced, then why can’t he teach you? That’s all part of the fun.
If you don’t have the experience, the only way you’ll get it is to learn from someone who does.
Please don’t let him destroy your confidence – there are plenty of great guys out there who would be patient and nurturing, and would enjoy showing you the ropes.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems