I’ve been married to my husband for 14 years and we’ve been together for 20. We met when I was 19 and he was 24. He’s a lovely man but I’ve often wondered whether I married him because I loved him or because I just wanted stability – my own parents split up when I was little.
We married a few years after meeting and had twin sons, who are now 10. Life with twins has been very busy and both me and my husband work, so it was easy to ignore the fact we grew apart. I stopped fancying him and I resented how little he did around the house.
Earlier this year I went on a training course and met a wonderful man. There was an immediate attraction and on the last day we ended up kissing.
To cut a long story short, we started an affair and within a few months we were making plans to leave our partners to be together.
I told my husband everything and said I wanted a divorce but this other man backed out – mainly for the sake of his young daughter.
I was heartbroken and felt let down. I know I’ve done the right thing leaving my husband but can’t get over this other man leaving me.
How can I make him see sense?
The brutal truth is you can’t make him see sense. You took a gamble and it didn’t pay off.
Perhaps once reality kicked in and you left your husband, it made him realise he had to leave his wife, he panicked and started to question whether he could do it.
Of course you feel hurt, humiliated and let down, as I’m sure your husband was when you left him. But you should take heart that you made a decision that was the right one for your marriage.
Forgetting this other guy for a moment, you admit your marriage wasn’t happy so perhaps this affair was the prompt you needed to move on. So my advice for you now is to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get on with it.
And when you do meet someone else – and you will – don’t get involved with the married kind.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems