Guys often write off foreplay as wasted time, but that is likely to lead to frustration for you AND her. In fact, foreplay is a crucial prerequisite for her to enjoy a mind-blowing orgasm. Read on for 14 imaginative ways to make foreplay fun for both of you.
1. Try this great warmup
The precoital massage: As a warmup to the main event, start by massaging the length of her legs, from her upper thighs down to her ankles. Then focus on the feet, kneading her heels and all other points beneath. Then zero in on the toes and stretch them individually. Of course, if her impeccable hygiene encourages you to suck her toes, you’ll have her in ecstasy.
2. Ask what turns her on
Come right out and ask what she likes during sex. “Most women appreciate men who want to make sure they’re satisfied,” says Barbara Bartlik, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Cornell University. “If she notices you’re working hard to please her, she’ll be more likely to return the favor.” And tell us: Is there a better place to develop your work ethic?
3. Boost your foreplay quotient
Improve the quality of foreplay and she’ll never again bug you about the quantity. “If you act as if you’re just going through the motions to get to the sex, she’s going to notice, and it will take longer for her to get excited,” says Michael Perry, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Encino, California. So do what you want to do. If you like how her calves feel, stroke them. If you like her butt, kiss it. “When a man is loving what he’s doing, it’s going to show through and turn her on, too,” says Perry.
4. Go easy
Yes, the clitoris is the obvious place to focus your attention. Still, many men do wrong by it. “Direct stimulation of the clitoris can actually be painful,” says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. “It’s much better to rub the clitoral hood [where the tops of the labia meet] or to rub along the side of the clitoris than it is to go straight for the head of it.” When playing with the clitoris during oral sex, Birch’s advice is to “focus on the clitoris, then don’t focus on the clitoris. The clitoris reacts best to being teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little, build a little tension, then back off on it a bit before going at it again.”
5. Drive her wild with the ‘figure 8’ technique
The figure-8 tongue technique: When you’re at her service down below, work the supersensitive area around her clitoris in a figure-8 pattern. Arouse her with gentle sucking until the little button swells, then carefully expose the area with your fingers. Use the slippery underside of your tongue to circle it to the left and then to the right. With the rougher top side of the tongue, flick from right to left and then up and down. Finally work up to figure 8s, alternating between your tongue’s smooth underside and firmer tip. Constantly vary the degrees of pressure you use.
6. Expand your repertoire
Expand your repertoire of oral sex with this method: You lie perpendicular to her body, which allows you to stroke her clitoris with your tongue in a crosswise motion, rather than up and down. She’ll appreciate the change in stimulation—hopefully, enough to return the reward.
7. A body part you shouldn’t neglect
Oft overlooked as mere roadblocks to the vagina, the labia are packed with nerve endings and are not to be ignored. Hold each one between your thumb and forefinger and massage it, working your way up and down. Or, using all of your fingers and your palm, “smoosh” the labia together, almost like you’re (gently!) kneading dough.
8. Best position for hitting the G-spot
Most experts say that G-spot stimulation works best when you do it by hand, since it allows for more subtle manipulation. But that means less fun for you. To get at her G-spot during intercourse, enter her doggy-style from the rear. “It’s the best angle for hitting the G-spot,” says Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. Keep your hands on her hips and pull her towards you each time you thrust forward. Want more tips on how to get her off? Check out these 10 Lessons about the Female Orgasm.
9. Get down and give me the sexual push up
There’s a reason girls swoon when they see a six pack. They know a man with strong abs is going to be great in the sack. Sexual push-ups are a great way to flex your abs for her: Assume the standard push-up position you’d use if you were working out. Then have your partner slide underneath you. This variation on the man-on-top position works extremely well for guys with flat stomachs, says sex expert Michael Perry, Ph.D. “You should have your arms down along her sides, and thrust with your shoulders as well as your abdominals,” he says.
10. Try the ‘X’ position
Women like a guy with strong arms. Emphasize yours by using the “X” position. Sit facing your partner, legs apart. As you enter her, have her straddle your hips with her legs. Both you and your partner should then reach backward with your arms, placing them about shoulder width apart. Keep your arms straight, and lean back onto them, so that you arch your back and slightly raise your pelvis (together, your bodies will form the shape of an X). Once you’re in position, lean back on your arms and rock your pelvis to create a strong, thrusting motion.
11. A trick for lasting longer
If you’re worried about getting off too early, try becoming more aware of your pre-orgasmic sensations. Most men only recognize that last, no-turning-back feeling, that occurs just before ejaculation, says David Copeland, of the How to Succeed with Women website. By then it’s too late to do anything about it. Try to become familiar with the two or three more subtle sensations that precede that one, so that you can slow down at the right time.
12. Kissing keeps her going
You’re close, really close, but you’re forgetting what got you here in the first place. “Women get their greatest erotic pleasure from frequent, passionate kissing,” says Britton. “If you get the sense that she’s starting to lose interest, kissing is always the best way to bring her back into it.” Just remember that passionate kissing doesn’t always mean frantically swabbing out her tonsils. Try to mix up your tongue play with the occasional closed-mouth kiss on her nose, eyes, and forehead.
13. Another good trick for lasting longer
To her, 14 minutes feels like “been there, done that.” Time to be the man of the hour. Rock and roll. Before you get too close to the 14-minute mark, penetrate her as deeply as you can and then stop thrusting. Now press your pelvic bone against hers and start shifting up and down in a kind of rocking motion. “It won’t be as stimulating for you, so you’ll last longer, and it may be more stimulating for her,” says Jed Kaminetsky, M.D., a professor of urology at New York University.
Ready for something new? Study up on the 45 Sex Positions Every Couple Should Try.
14. Reward her bravery
When she initiates the action, make an extra effort to please her sexually and to let her know how much you approve. Tell her you loved her initiation. Sometimes women wonder if you’re going to perceive initiation as negative or if it might make you uncomfortable.