I’m just going to say it: Nudes are fucking awesome. Swapping naked pics is not only a great way to build sexual anticipation, but it can make your tedious workday a lot more exciting (as long as your screen isn’t visible to any coworkers). There’s nothing like a hot pic from someone you’re crushing on to help you fill out those TPS reports.
But initiating the swapping of nudes can seem daunting. For starters, how do you go about asking for nudes without coming off as a creep? “HI, YOU ARE HOT, PLEASE SEND A NAKED PICTURE” is probably one of the least attractive things a partner will ever hear. You have to be thoughtful about sending nudes, too. As with any sexual activity, consent is a must—and depending on how your partner receives it, an unsolicited dick pic could even be illegal.
We spoke to four sex experts to help explain how to ask for and send nudes. Here’s who you’ll hear from:
Daniel Saynt, founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a sex-positive members-only club that hosts sexual education workshops with a focus in BDSMCory B, kink coach and sex educatorSofiya Alexandra, comedian and co-host of Private Parts Unknown, a sexualities podcast exploring conversations on sex, dating and gender Courtney Kocak, comedian and co-host of Private Parts Unknown, a sexualities podcast exploring conversations on sex, dating and gender
How do you know it’s a good time to send a nude?
Daniel: You should always ask for permission before sending nudes. You can ask by saying something like, “Can I send you something naughty?” Make sure the conversation is already going this way. If they’re texting getting-to-know-you questions, it’s probably not the best time to ask.
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Cory: Generally, the best time to send a nude is when you’re already having a steamy conversation via text. But the only time you can send a nude is when you’ve received explicit consent to do so.
Courtney: Consent is key to sending nudes. Nobody wants a dick pic out of left field, and unfortunately, that’s where most of them come from. Start with words. Sexting can be so hot. Tell your partner … what you want to do to them later. Be explicit and nasty if that’s what’s in your heart—and if they’re reciprocating and things are ramping up, that’s a good time to send a nude.
How do you know it’s a good time to ask for nudes?
Cory: The best time to send or ask for a nude is when there’s already a sexting sesh going down. While some people like sending spontaneous nudes to their partner(s) during work hours, that’s usually reserved for folks who have ongoing relationships where they’ve pre-negotiated boundaries about sexting and sending nudes.
Sofiya: I think in the middle of sexting is a good time, but only if both people have been sexting, not just one very horny party having a monologue.
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Courtney: Yeah, read the room. I know that can be hard in our electronic world, but use all the context clues available. Are they replying to your sexts with equally sexual content? Great! Now you can tell them you’d like to see a little somethin’.
Okay, but what do you specifically SAY when you’re asking for nudes?
Daniel: You can ask: “May I see more of you?” [Add] a little devil emoji at the end to imply you’re hoping to see a little more than what Tinder allows on profiles. This is a coy way of asking without being too direct.
You should also consider offering a swap for swap. You can say, “Want to trade sexy photos?” From there, you can share sexy, although not fully nude photos. After a few of those pics are swapped back and forth, go ahead and ask, “Want to share some X-rated pics?” You can throw in a mischievous grin emoji after to make it more playful!
Sofiya: I think a fun way to get to exchanging nudes from sexting is sort of slowly raising the stakes. Like, start with an ab shot, or a bicep shot, and wait for her to send something back. You can keep going until you get really explicit. Plus, if she pulls back and doesn’t match you pic for pic, you get a good idea about when to stop.
Courtney: An ex-boyfriend sent me some super sexy Tumblr gifs one time and it was the hottest thing ever. That really lubed me up for a more personal photo exchange.
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.
Source: Mens Health