You can only imagine my surprise this morning to learn that I not only exist, but I’m also trending! I called my mom. She was thrilled for me. My dad was extremely confused and hung up the phone accidentally.
In case you’re unaware of what I’m talking about, #BisexualMenExist is currently trending on Twitter. If you head there right now, you’ll see it’s trending in the United States right below “Dick Pound.” The two, from what I can gather, are trending independently.
Truthfully, I am thrilled that bi men are getting a little love and recognition. All too often we’re forgotten about, like that one sock that’s been under your bed for the past eight months. But like that sock, we do exist, even if you don’t acknowledge that we’re there. You could choose to put us in the drawer with the other colorful socks, our brethren, so to speak, but instead, you leave us out. (You guys get the metaphor, right?)
I must admit that I find it slightly infuriating that this hashtag is trending in 2020. It’s trending because people think bi men don’t exist. If everyone thought we existed, then this hashtag would not be trending. It would be like saying #peanutbutterexists. It’s like yeah, we know, and it’s delicious.
But many people still don’t get it. Just this past weekend, I was at a dinner party with a man I’m having sex with. While my partner was off cooking in the other room, the conversation veered to shitting on bi guys. The gay man I was talking to explained how all bi men eventually come out as “full-blown gay.” At this point, I informed him that I’m actually bi. He immediately was taken back, and went on the defensive. Note, he didn’t apologize.
He explained how he used the bi label as stepping stone in college and so did a few of his friends. That’s why he didn’t think bi men really existed.
I wanted to be like, “Do you know what a sample size is? Five of you isn’t enough to make the claim that all bisexual men don’t exist. It’s actually pretty self-centered and small-minded of you to think that everyone else’s experiences mirror that of you and your dumb friends. Also, we don’t come out because you don’t think we fucking exist. I’m not trying to be gaslit. I’m just trying to tell you that I’m down to fuck you and maybe that girl over there too. OKAY?”
Did I say this? No. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was at a dinner party. I’m also somewhat exhausted from constantly justifying my bisexuality to people I meet. Yet again, I found myself doing it with him. He ended up asking me the old “When’s the last time you’ve slept with a woman” gag. Did I punch him in the face? No. Again, this a dinner party and not an episode of Bad Girls Club.
This is the state of male bisexuality. People no longer say to my face, “I don’t think you exist.” That’s not cool. Like, have you been on the internet? You get cancelled for saying ignorant shit like that. Instead, they’ll say these little things that make it clear they’re skeptical of my existence. And you know the moment I step out of the room, they’ll tell their partner in confidence, “Yeah… I don’t know. I think he may just be gay.”
Not to sound like that girl, but I rather you say it to my face.
Here’s the truth. I’m a little tired. I’m tired of justifying my sexuality. I’m tired of the skepticism. I’m tired of the need to pull up my sexual resume to “prove” I’m bisexual. I’m also tired by some of the people who do think bisexuality exists because they often assume negative stereotypes about me and all bi men. They assume all bi men are slutty, or we’re not capable of dating a person monogamously, or we’re greedy or some other BS. I mean, I happen to be all those things, but most bi men are not. I also don’t want you assuming things about me before we ever meet.
So do me a favor, this time next year, I don’t want to see #BisexualMenExist trending. Next year bi men are going to be peanut butter status: We will clearly exist and be loved for being delicious.
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.
Source: Mens Health