When you think of the term “sex worker,” what kind of characteristics come to mind? Most people envision a stereotype: Someone who is desperate, who has no other choice. Something must have gone wrong in their life for them to end up doing such a job.
As a society, we attach negativity to sex positivity. This is especially true when it comes to sex workers. When someone meets me for the first time, they are greeted by a petite, upbeat redhead with a positive outlook and a can-do attitude. They meet a well-educated woman with multiple college degrees and a passion for higher education.
When asked to guess what my career of choice is, sex worker is one of the last things people tend to guess. Once people meet me and realize I’m college-educated and not really any stereotype they have of my profession, they often ask me why on earth I chose to become a sex worker.
Without jumping into a full exegesis of every single decision that led me here, I’ll just sum it up by telling you a few things about myself. My first relationship was with another woman, and shortly after that time period I learned it was very easy for me to develop feelings for multiple people at a time.
After some time had passed, I learned a little more about relationship paradigms and stumbled upon an academic paper on polyamorous relationships. This culminated in reading a book by Christopher Ryan titled Sex at Dawn that discusses the prehistoric origins of human sexuality and relationships. It made a lot of sense to me that, speaking from a neurobiological perspective, evolutionary biology dictates that humans aren’t naturally monogamous any more than we naturally wear clothes. Cultural norms, gender roles and other hegemonic and counter-hegemonic forces shape the current view of relationships, as does the byproduct of those forces, religion.
After this moment of recognition, it dawned on me that I’m naturally a polyamorous person and that I shouldn’t feel shame about being attracted to and being able to love more than one person at a time. More specifically, I was naturally incapable of resisting developing feelings for and being sexually attracted to people outside my existing relationship construct.
When it came to career options, there were countless opportunities afforded to me compliments of my extensive education. Despite holding multiple degrees, I found the relevant jobs to be largely uninteresting, thus sparking my exploration of alternative employment options.
Being a very sexually expressive person, I once tried doing a webcam show. It was a mostly empty experience. I wasn’t really challenging myself in any way, and so like I always do, I started looking for something else.
Being sapiosexual — someone who is attracted to intelligence — I thought it might be an interesting experience to work at a brothel since I’m sexually uninhibited and able to sexually enjoy multiple relationships at once as well as to have feelings for multiple people at once. Additionally, I’m able to be attracted to the mind of the people I’m around without the necessity of finding their bodies attractive, and I’m not afraid to try new things. So, with no uncertain amount of pomp and temerity, I went for it.
I found I enjoy this occupation on a much different level than a lot of the ladies here at the Moonlite BunnyRanch. Part of the reason is that I get to offer a genuine girlfriend experience because I connect so easily with a wide range of people from all walks of life. My attraction isn’t limited to physicality — if anything, the more I get to know someone, the more engaged and excited I become. I genuinely look forward to spending time with my guests and discovering all the unique ways I can enhance their lives both in and out of the bedroom.
The challenging dance of sales with genuine romance and my job is genuinely healing people and making them happy. I mollify their worries and help them recover from devastating things like the loss of a wife or girlfriend, the crushing social shame of virginity and even help those who are disabled and unable to have normal relationships feel the genuine comfort of a romantic partner in a way they may never, ever get to enjoy outside an interaction with me.
I think this is a very noble job. I help others, people in my community, improve the quality of the relationships of couples, get to work with couples to improve their romance, offer sex education and even provide dating advice. Imagine you’re terrified of women; wouldn’t it be nice to have a dinner date with a girl who you can be not only romantic with, but if you ask can give you pointers on anything you might be doing wrong so you can be more confident when you start dating? I get to do all that and so much more.
So, I suppose the real question is, “How could I not become a sex worker?”
A version of this story was published February 2018.