Help Her Get Off Every Time By Mastering These Four Tricks
The female orgasm can be a mysterious and intimidating prospect. Your partner may seem to be having a good time, but then she’s not finishing, maybe ever. That can be a bit of a blow to the ego. Is there a mysterious code to achieving the female orgasm? And what makes it so complicated?
Turns out, quite a lot. According to Emily Morse, a sexologist and host of the “Sex With Emily” podcast, “between 70-80 percent of women” don’t reach orgasm — at least through sex alone. We have to get a lot more going in our sex equation to make that happen.
“Adding in extra clitoral stimulation either with hands, mouth or toys can certainly help women climax while with a partner either while having intercourse or through foreplay,” says Morse. Oral sex is also a winner, as is nipple stimulation. “Women’s brains process nipple and genital stimulation in the same region of the brain. So this can lead many women to experience nipple orgasms, as well,” she adds.
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But it’s not just about connecting the right dots, as there’s a whole lot of science involved in getting her off. You may want to take some notes.
When we orgasm, it is a response of the nervous system to sexual stimulation. Both men and women can experience orgasm under certain conditions, typically following genital stimulation, but there is a lot of variation in people’s orgasm experiences, says Justin Garcia, scientific advisor for Match.com.
“In scientific terms, [an] orgasm is characterised by subjective feelings of intense sensation and pleasure, including a sudden discharge of accumulated erotic tension at sexual climax and a temporarily altered state of consciousness,” says Garcia. “Orgasm is generally comprised of a series of psychophysiological responses, including genital reactivity, involuntary rhythmic contractions of pelvic musculature, changes in heart rate and blood pressure, and neurohormonal activation/deactivation.”
The Different Kinds of Orgasms
Women vary quite a bit on what type of sexual activities lead to orgasm. “Research is mixed on this, but the best evidence suggest that most women do not reach orgasm from penetrative intercourse alone,” says Garcia. “Women’s orgasm often requires clitoral stimulation, so stimulation of the clitoral glans (the visible part of the clitoris) by women themselves or by their partner, and this might include manual stimulation or by receiving oral sex, is quite effective in inducing orgasm. Some women experience orgasm just from penetrative vaginal intercourse, possibly by stimulating the internal part of the clitoral organ.”
According to Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist, women experience clitoral orgasms during intercourse, but many positions don’t provide enough friction or stroking to take her over the edge. There is good news, however, as there are a few simple solutions: Get creative and involve cunnilingus, fingering and vibrator play the next time you’re in the bedroom, and you are more likely to lead her to orgasm.
“Research suggests that vaginal penetration alone results in orgasm for approximately one-third of women, but this figure may be misleading, as the vagina and clitoris are not only close neighbors, but are, in fact, connected by a number of nerve pathways and muscular structures!” she says. “The corpora cavernosa of the clitoris, which are two sponge-like tubes that form the erectile tissue of its body, are located around the vaginal canal.”
Tricks to Make Her Orgasm
Many women will tell you that an orgasm is nigh on impossible if she’s not in the right head space. If she’s distracted, worried or feeling uncomfortable, you can be the world’s greatest lover and still fail to give her real pleasure. The first thing you need to do is relax and recognise that it’s not all about you. Any man in bed beside a woman knows that he bears some responsibility for sexual satisfaction, so to make sure you succeed in doing your part, read on for our for tips to make her orgasm.
1. Put on a Musky Fragrance
Smell is the strongest of the five senses when it comes to sexual functioning for two reasons: First, since anything musky mimics testosterone, it’ll kick her libido into high gear. Baby powder can have a similar effect by activating her “scent print,” which links babies to procreation. Second, because smell, sex and memory centres share close quarters in the brain, the scent of arousal leaves the most lasting impression. The second she gets a whiff of your musky cologne, she’ll be transported back to the last time she smelled it on your body.
2. Warm Up Her Feet
What most of you probably didn’t realise was the importance of warm feet in increasing the likelihood of her experiencing an orgasm. According to Dutch scientists from the University of Groningen, the odds of achieving female orgasm are increased by 30 percent if her toes are toasty, meaning that maybe leaving your socks on isn’t such a bad idea after all. If you want to try something sexier, a foot massage with a warming gel can do wonders, especially if you concentrate on the pads of her toes and the webbing in between, which are linked to her nether zones according to reflexology charts. Moreover, lips, hands, feet, and genitals get the lion’s share of brain space, where feet and genital centres are neighbors, making them share sexy information. Why else do you think women call shoe shopping “retail therapy” — especially when they’re not getting any at home and feeling bummed out? So socks or stilettos, you choose, as long as they’re keeping her tootsies warm.
3. Focus on Her 10 O’Clock and 2 O’Clock
When zoning in between her legs, just as you appreciate her indulging more than just your package, she’d like you to go for more than her hood ornament. If you run your tongue around her clitoral head, concentrating on the 10 o’ clock and 2 o’clock marks on either side, and then gently slip your tongue beneath there, you’ll have her moaning from the intensity. While bang-on is too sensitive, those two sweet spots will make sure that she takes a licking and keeps on ticking, thanks to the bulbs hidden just beneath. The best way to pull off this maneuver is to have her straddle your face as you lay comfortably on your back. She’ll get to lean into the headboard so she can drive the action with ease, since you’ve put her in the driver’s seat. Or, if her clitoris is feeling a little over-sensitive, try to stimulate her G-spot instead — the spot on the front wall of her vagina that your fingers will rub up against if you try a “come hither” motion with them inside her.
4. Kiss the Right Side of Her Spine
Touching a woman on the right side of her spine makes her melt more so than the left side, perhaps because the left side of the brain controls her right side, and it’s the logical side that can talk her into anything. Whether you’re kissing her there, stroking her or gently teasing her with your tongue, just make sure your moves are curvy. You’ll cover more mileage, not to mention get better mileage out of your touch, since it’s significantly more intense than a straight touch.
Women Who Never Reach Orgasm
Now, despite your valiant efforts, the realities of orgasms for women vary. According to Garcia, sometimes, getting off just isn’t an option.
“There are some women who never experience orgasm,” he says. “There are some women who experience orgasm during masturbation but not with a partner. There are some women who experience orgasm during sexual activity but not from penetration. There are some women who only experience orgasm with penetration. There are many women who vary, from one day to another and from one partner to another, depending on other physiological and psychological factors.”
Garcia describes the orgasm as “both a biological and psychosocial experience,” adding that the “psychological state, including whether someone is distracted or if they feel ashamed about engaging in sex in the first place (e.g., the sexual double standard), might limit the ability to experience orgasm, too.”
“Further, new research shows that relationship context matters a lot (i.e., women orgasm at much lower rates during sexual hookups than during romantic relationship sex).” So, if tell her you love her, it may lead to better sex.
With luck, and by giving her all that attention, her skin will be flushed, her pupils dilated, parts of her will be shaking, and she’ll be pushing into you — until she’s done and can’t take anymore, that is. That’s how to make her orgasm, and trust us, you’ll be able to tell.
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