Sometimes, when you’re ready to have sex with someone for the first time, you put a ton of work into making it just right: You light candles; you stock up on lube and the best couple’s sex toys; maybe you even go the extra mile and clean your room for the first time in three weeks.
Other times, you can’t plan ahead for sex: It just happens in the dumbest way possible. A recent Reddit thread asked the following question: “What is the dumbest way you got laid?” and the responses are preeeetty entertaining. Here are some of our faves.
“I asked politely to lose my virginity.”
From Locke_Step: “I asked politely to lose my virginity back in the day, so that might be a bit of a dumb way to go about it.
“No gimmicks, just ‘would you mind if I lost my v-card to you? It’d be nice if my first time was with someone I knew and trusted. No awkwardness after, just a one-off so I can learn.'”
“Had some people over playing Cards Against Humanity.”
From Embowaf: “Was a virgin at the time. Had some people over playing Cards Against Humanity.
“It’s not a serious game even when you’re playing it, so sometimes we would show people the card we drew as a replacement if it was like, perfect for the hand we had just played. I don’t remember what the black card we were playing to was anymore, but I drew the ‘friends with benefits’ white card and it would have been perfect for it, so I leaned over and showed my friend sitting next to me. Later everyone left and she stayed behind and we were talking and she assumed I meant it as a request. I hadn’t even thought of that but rolled with it.”
“A night later, we were banging.”
From hold_my_lacroix: “I was taking care of a professor’s kitten (Mr. Milk), and another student was as well. There was a schedule. Somehow we got crossed up and ended up there at the same time, and a night later, we were banging.”
“We were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show.”
From Moth_Seraph: “We were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show and he asked ‘if i ask politely, will you have sex with me?’ I was planning to anyway but the way he asked made me laugh.”
“We decided to bake cookies together at 1 a.m.”
From MoistWalrus: “Met a girl on tinder and we decided to bake cookies together at 1 AM after I left work. As soon as the cookies were done she looked over at me and asked if I wanted to go fuck.”
“I was at a costume party after being dumped by a guy earlier that day.”
From laconicyouth: “When I was 18 I was at a costume party after being dumped by a guy earlier that day. A few drinks later and after venting to my best friend, I got up, stood in the yard and said ‘I just want to fuck someone who doesn’t care about me!’ Guy standing near me in a cow costume turned his head, said ‘let’s go’ and led me into the house and upstairs.”
“[I was] paranoid about the house burning down while at the cinema on a date.”
From troubleshot: “Left the oven on from dinner before going on a date to see a film. Paranoid about the house burning down while at the cinema on a date. Whisper to her about these concerns so we leave. We get home and I rush in and turn off the oven, date says ‘wait, you actually left it on!?’ Then we had sex.”
“She said that she was so touched by my chivalrous actions that she wanted to buy me a drink.”
From hokeyWB: “I went to use a public phone box (yes, I am THAT old) and there was a lady who came up to it just behind me. I actually didn’t want to make the call, so I said that she could go first.
“After her call she waited outside the phone booth, and when I was done she said that she was so touched by my chivalrous actions that she wanted to buy me a drink.
“We jumped in her car and she took me straight to her place and we had sex. It was pretty awesome.”
“He cut his hair the day before the party and I ended up getting laid.”
From SithLordShrades: “My best friend and I were having a going away party as we were moving out of state. We pretty much looked alike, both tall with long shoulder-length hair. One of our mutual friends arranged for him to get laid as a going away gift. All the girl knew about him was he’s tall with long hair. Long story short, he cut his hair the day before the party and I ended up getting laid.”
“I was listening to ‘Lips of an Angel’ by Hinder with a friend from college.”
From EastIndianPao: “I was listening to lips of an angel by hinder with a friend from college. For the part where he says ‘really miss your hair on my face’ I threw her hair on my face. She laughed and next we were making out. Didn’t have sex till like a month later though, but ya that was the start.”
“We ended up secretly hooking up on a weekly basis for the next year.”
From mox44ah: “Girl I always had a crush on called me up at midnight and asked if she could come over. She was mad at her boyfriend because he wouldn’t let her play Guitar Hero. She wanted to get even with him by sleeping with me. We ended up secretly hooking up on a weekly basis for the next year.”
“In college I went to a Game of Thrones themed party.”
From RebelRosieSkye: “Not laid, but…in college I went to a game of thrones themed party. I was dressed as Catelyn Stark, there was a friend of a friend dressed as Ned Stark, and people kept making jokes about how we were married. So eventually he took that to heart and pulled me down to the basement; we had some fun.
“Decent guy. Fooled around a few more times that semester. Honestly I don’t think this was a dumb way to get off, in retrospect it makes me crack up.”
“I joked that we should trade clothes then and she actually stripped down.”
From VeganGamerr: “The way I lost my virginity. I really liked a good friend and we were hanging out one day. She said she liked my shirt so I joked that we should trade clothes then and she actually stripped down. One thing led to another and we ended up hooking up.”
Jordyn Taylor is the Deputy Editor of Content at Men’s Health.
Source: Mens Health