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Effective flirting depends on solid conversation skills. Whether you’re looking for Mrs. Right or Miss Right Now, how you talk to a woman will make all the difference. Luckily, even if you weren’t born with the gift of gab there are lots of strategies you can use to improve your conversation skills. AskMen’s From the Bar to the Bedroom tells you everything you need to know about captivating women using the art of conversation. We can’t give you all the details here, but our AM Rule Refresher will cover some of the basics. Pay attention and you’ll be on your way to becoming a great conversationalist.
The only way to improve your conversation skills is through practice. You have to start talking to people, and that doesn’t mean calling your sister more frequently. Talking to friends and family is easy. If you want to improve your game, you need to start talking to strangers.
Start off slowly by making small talk with the old lady in the elevator or while waiting on the bank teller. You’re not trying to pick these people up, so there won’t be any pressure if the conversation goes poorly. Once you get in the habit of striking up conversations with strangers, you’ll be less likely to get tongue-tied at the sight of a leggy brunette.
A conversation is not a speech; it’s not an opportunity for you to tell her everything there is to know about you. It’s not your chance to get something off your chest or bitch about office politics. Your objective, when striking up a conversation, is to get the other person to talk with you. So when you strike up a conversation with a girl, remember to ask lots of questions. If you remember nothing else from this rule refresher, remember that.
As From the Bar to the Bedroom notes, “asking questions provides a basis of good conversation, helps you get to know the woman you’re talking with, and gives her occasion to talk about herself — which all women love.” Just remember to ask open-ended questions: “Asking her what her favorite color is neither reflects well on your mental capacity nor does it open the door to an extended discussion.” So ask questions that will keep the conversation moving. Ask her about potential travel plans, childhood pets, her ambitions or her friends — anything that will get her excited and chatting.
Get her opinion
Of course, the goal of asking questions is to get her opinion. Asking her about her job or favorite movies is OK, but you’re not trying to fill in the gaps of her Wikipedia page, you’re trying to get to know her. Therefore, make sure your questions are designed to elicit thoughtful or emotional responses, not just lists of things she likes.
Getting her opinion is always good: “Whether you agree or disagree, you can turn it to your advantage. If you agree: You have something in common, and can talk further on the subject. If you disagree: You can start playfully teasing her about her opinion.” If you need help, From the Bar to the Bedroom gives lots of specific examples of questions that will get her talking.
Read on for more AM rule refresher tips on developing your conversation skills…