After four years I feel my relationship is slowly becoming boring and not the same as it used to be.
I feel some things have put a great strain on my boyfriend and I – for example, he works long hours as a chef and gets home too tired to talk or make love to me.
I also feel the fact I had an abortion three years ago still affects him as he’s very distant when it comes to sex. He has also said he doesn’t want a child yet.
I’m not sure what to do any more. It’s like our relationship is solely based on a kiss and a cuddle, but I want more.
I love this guy to pieces, but I don’t know where to go from here to solve it.
What do you think?
Have you actually discussed any of these issues with him?
Or are you just getting on with things and avoiding talking?
You’re not going to solve anything if you don’t start chatting about how you feel and where the relationship is going.
Maybe he’s not ready to be a dad yet because he’s worried about opening up old wounds after the abortion.
But pregnancy is something you can put off until you’re ready as long as you’re using contraception.
I think it might be the case that neither of you has dealt properly with the difficult emotions around the abortion and how it makes you feel about becoming parents now.
So, whether you choose to sit down together or get help in the form of counselling, I think you need to confront it in order to be able to move on.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems