When A Woman Settles For You
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You may have heard the buzz about Lori Gottlieb’s new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. The thesis of Gottlieb’s book is that women of marriageable age shouldn’t be so picky when it comes to choosing a mate. Instead of holding out for a 10, they should settle for an 8.
The thinking goes that modern women are too focused on checklists. They too often waste their shot at happiness by turning dating into a kind of scavenger hunt, only considering a guy as a potential partner if he drives the right kind of car, likes the right kind of films, works the right kind of job, and sports the right kind of haircut.
Gottlieb contends that picky women will only end up kicking themselves later in life. While they’re still waiting around for the mythical Mr. Right, the competition is settling down with Mr. Good Enough. The lesson: Lower standards lead to marriage and happiness, while impossibly high standards keep a girl single and miserable.
Thanks, but no thanks
We’d like to issue a preemptive response to all the women out there who are thinking about lowering their standards and giving us regular guys a second look. Thanks, but no thanks. Please don’t settle for us.
Don’t get us wrong; it’s nice of you to let us spend the rest of our lives trying to make you happy despite our obvious shortcomings. We’re honoured that you’re willing to consider letting us buy you a diamond ring — even though we’re not quite the right height and you’re embarrassed by our lack of wine knowledge. Really, we appreciate it. But the truth is we’re just not comfortable treating marriage like an insurance policy taken out against the prospect of future loneliness — so, please don’t settle for us.
Settling is not the solution
While we appreciate that this new doctrine might make some women think twice about dumping a perfectly nice guy just because he chews with his mouth full or uses words like “irregardless,” no self-respecting man wants to be a fallback option. We want you to marry us because you love us, not because we’re better than the alternative of ending up as a crazy cat lady. So do us a favour: Don’t settle for us.
Frankly, we suspect the concepts of “settling” and “marital bliss” are actually at odds with each other. And besides, men know the woman with a checklist doesn’t ever really abandon that list — she just represses it. She may try to deny her unreasonable expectations, but they’re still there. They’re always there, below the surface, until one day they explosively reveal themselves in the form of an itemised outburst detailing all of the things she’s sacrificed for her disappointing marriage.
Our rant on why we don’t want you to settle for us continues…