Which Of These Flings Best Describes Yours?
Can women have sex ‘like men?’ Ah, the age-old question. Whilst there are toys for that sort of thing, this is not one of those sorts of columns.The colloquial term refers, of course, to having, ‘No strings sex.’ Whilst I fully support any woman’s right to sleep with whomever she likes whenever she likes, it’s not always that straightforward.
It’s often assumed that men view sex as a solely physical act with no ‘strings’ more often than women do. But the truth is that making the distinction can be confusing for all of us, whatever the gender. After sex our bodies are rushing with post-orgasmic chemicals — the main one’s called oxytocin FYI — which tell our brain we want to bond emotionally as well as physically. Our hormones are in overdrive. So is no-strings sex ever OK? Of course it is, just be aware of the type of fling it is, and what your partner’s expectations may be…
The basis of The Rebound is simple: She wants to take her mind off her recent ex. You could be a revenge pawn in her break-up game, or simply the lucky chap who helps bring her out of a repressed relationship funk and realise, ‘Phew, there are other men out there.’ Either way, if you’re looking for casual sex you could be very lucky. On the other hand, a bad break-up can make anyone a little emotionally vulnerable, so tread carefully
The Friend with Benefits
Don’t believe what you see, read, hear; one party always falls for the other eventually. Either it works out and an amazing relationship is born, or someone gets hurt. In my experience, it’s the latter. No one goes from f*ck buddies to real buddies.
The Friend of a Friend
You’ve gone away as a big group for a mate’s 30th birthday. You’ve both bonded and had too much to drink. But what might have seemed harmless at the time is a tad more complicated the morning after when you’re avoiding eye contact over the breakfast table. Make jokes and keep it friendly. If she wants to take it further and you don’t, fine, but don’t be a douche about it and avoid her. You’ll leave her embarrassed and your mates uncomfortable.
The Online Hook Up
You both know what this is. You’ve been chatting on Plenty of Fish or flirting on Tinder, then suddenly it’s midnight and you’re somehow on your way over to her house, despite having never met the girl in 3D. one thing’s for sure, it’s not a chat and cuddle she’s after.
The Drunk Partygoer
It’s 3am and the girl you’ve fancied all night is Twerking against a house plant as you slur sweet nothings in her ear. Whatever you do, don’t be a dick in the morning and just leave without a word. A hangover plus rejection is a harsh mix.
Here’s the bottom line: In all these occasions, it’s possible you’re both in it for sex and sex alone. Beware of that pesky oxytocin acting up though. This doesn’t mean we’re going to cry into a pillow for a week if you haven’t called, but a simple few texts just to assure us it wasn’t totally meaningless goes a long way. And if you do get the sense that she wants something more and you definitely don’t, just be honest with her, yeah? We respect it more, I promise.