Guys, You Aren’t Taking Enough Initiative When It Comes to Dating
Some men just aren’t in much of a rush, according to a new AskMen survey.
An overwhelming 46 percent of the 1,045 surveyed between February 26 and March 1 said they’re more likely to meet online matches for a date within a month of talking, as compared to just 19 percent who meet their match the same day, and the 18 percent who go out after one week. The numbers point at men taking their sweet time when it comes to dating, but is playing the long game detrimental to their dating life?
Texting for a month might seem counterintuitive to setting up romantic chemistry, but some men may be chatting for so long before meeting in person for a date to set the stage for a deeper connection. An individual’s personality can really shine through in an extended chat session, and hobbies, political preferences, spiritual positions, and life goals can be discussed to help gauge whether you two are compatible without wasting anyone’s time.
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While nearly half of men surveyed seemed to want to take things a little slow, it might actually be the wrong approach. The Dating Nerd, AskMen’s resident relationship expert, believes it is ideal to set up a date within a few days of feeling that first spark.
“Ultimately, the sooner you’re off her phone and in her real life, the better,” he said. “This is because, if she’s a reasonably attractive person, her online dating profile is absolutely saturated with dudes, all of whom are relentlessly giving her compliments about how her hair flows like a majestic unicorn or whatever. Now, they obviously aren’t as charming or good-looking as you are, but she won’t be sure of that until you’re actually hanging out in real life. You don’t want to jostle for her Internet attention span, you want to cultivate a real connection.”
As some singles have absolutely awful text game or may sell themselves short over the phone, the Dating Nerd says it’s best to just rip the band-aid off, and take the initiative. “Boldly asking somebody out displays real confidence, whereas chatting for weeks without making a move suggests that you’re a wimpy little lily-livered scaredy-cat who can’t take a risk on anything,” he adds. “You’ve got to show her you’ve got a pair of testicles.”
In other words, don’t talk yourself out of a sale. Given the nature of online dating, and the fact that the average woman fields significantly more matches than the average man, it’s natural to be a bit nervous about taking things from texting to the real world. Meeting someone in real life has the potential to make that nervousness and fear of striking out even stronger, making you hesitant to get to that step.
The best advice? Be honest, be assertive, and don’t be afraid to schedule a date whenever you feel comfortable doing so. Just don’t drag it out or – even worse – ghost your potential date. The AskMen survey says that only a small fraction of men “never” set out to meet their match at a lowly 2 percent, so at least most gents are showing up eventually instead of not at all.
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