Why You Should Be Listening to What Your Date Says
The average guy probably thinks he knows how to impress someone.
Maybe he uses his pre-existing qualities of being rich, famous, and successful, or perhaps he’s just the tall, dark, and handsome type.. He could also think he’s talented if he’s knows how to be funny or dole out incredible orgasms, too
While those things all have at least some weight to them, there’s a really undervalued trait — and way to impress someone — that the average guy doesn’t know about: Being curious.
RELATED: Qualities Women Look for in a Man
Asking questions, being an attentive listener, and following up later can be more memorable and, frankly, sexier than all kinds of so-called “impressive” traits.
Not to mention, when you ask someone a question and then listen to what they have to say, you’re treating them with a crazy little thing called respect. Think about how you’d feel if you went on a date where you were forced to listen to the other person blather about their accomplishments, hopes, dreams, goals, likes, dislikes and so forth for a few hours without ever really getting a word in edgewise.
You’d probably feel pretty worn out by the end of it. But if it were a date where you got a chance to talk about yourself and you felt the other person was genuinely interested? By comparison, that’s a good date, almost regardless of what the other person was actually like. That’s because treating someone with respect in a dating context makes you more sexy, not less. It’s time for men to start applying that logic to their dates rather than just themselves. From now on, if you go on a date and you don’t spend at least a significant chunk of it listening — not just being quiet, but actually listening to what your date has to say — you might as well consider that date to be a failure.
Sure, if you’re conventionally attractive or desirable, your date may want to go out again (or will sleep with you right there and then). . If the tenor of these dates is a mix of you talking about yourself and unimpressive banter, never allowing the other person to get in a word, things are not going to go very far. They’re going to come out of these dates feeling walked all over.
If you want to really impress the next person you go on a date with, don’t brag. Instead, be curious. Listen. Let them talk. Not only will they enjoy themselves more, you’ll have a better idea of what kind of person they are.
If you’re not sure how listening on a date works (possibly due to lack of practice), here are some pointers:
1. Ask Questions Early and Often
Set the tone for the date by asking a question in the early going, and keep that dynamic up as things go along. That doesn’t mean turning the date into an interview; what it means is seizing here and there on things that’ve been said and getting them to expand on those topics.
If they say they’ve had a tough day at work, ask what their job is. If the thought of taking vacation comes up, ask about their favorite places to travel. Did your date mention they’ve been reading a lot about a certain subject?, Ask what their thoughts about it are.
In short, allow your date to open up about the things they care about at regular intervals, rather than just keeping things light and breezy, and/or monopolsing the conversation with how impressive you are.
2. Be Quiet and Actually Listen
It might seem silly to imply that guys are bad at listening, but at least anecdotally, a lot of women feel that way. They bemoan that men don’t ask them questions, try to explain things to them they already know, and talk over them.
To fix that, when she (or anyone, for that matter) starts talking about something, just … be quiet. Don’t try to turn something into a riff,or jump in with, “Oh yeah, I read an article about that.” When a topic is brought up that they clearly knows a lot or cares a lot about, let them have their moment in the spotlight of the conversation. It’s perfectly fine taking a backseat for once.
3. Follow Up Later
Any type of interjection should be used to make a follow-up question. They’re both wildly sexy and proof that you’re actually listening to what’s being said. You’re paying attention. The average guy is not even asking questions on a date, let alone paying attention to the entire conversation.
When you say, “Wait, so what does that entail for you?” or, “Oh, is this the same Debra you mentioned earlier? The one with the red hair and the annoying boyfriend?” you’re giving concrete proof that the things mentioned earlier stuck with you.
RELATED: Best Questions to Ask Your Date, Revealed
No matter what you look like, how much money you have in the bank or how many club owners you personally know, how you treat someone you’re on a date with will have a massive impact on how attractive you are to them.
If you put aside your desire to impress with your intelligence and charm for a moment and actually focus on the person instead, you’d be surprised at how sexy that can be.
As much as some people might appreciate the tall, dark and handsome cliché, they’ll compromise on things like that if it means being treated right.
If you can swallow your pride for long enough to allow for some meaningful conversation on the first date, you’re showing that you’re a good enough guy who understands that dating is a two-way street.
You Might Also Dig: