Is It Your First Time Having Sex? Study Up On These Positions ASAP
The first time you have sex can be overwhelming. It’s a big deal, emotionally and physically, and so it may be a good idea to avoid (at least to begin with) getting yourself into something too complicated or fancy.
A big part of the equation is making sure your partner is comfortable. Being nervous will only cause tension, making it it that much harder to concentrate on the positive physical sensations. No one wants either of you to be experiencing anything other than excitement and pleasure, and for your first time, it should bring all that. That means being fully aroused before penetration even begins.
“Arousal causes the genitals to undergo physical changes that make insertion feel better, says Carol Queen, Good Vibrations staff sexologist “Insufficient arousal will probably equal pain with intercourse, and this is not a good way to begin a partnered sex life; some women never get over the experience of having a painful loss of virginity,” says Queen.
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The turn-on is the single most important element of this night (besides consent, of course), and if the turn-on is high, the choice of sex positions may not matter quite so much.
While we’re at it, it’s important to note that “virginity” is a subjective and cultural term. “For many North Americans, ‘virgin’ often refers to those who have yet to have experienced penile-vaginal penetration. However, this is a very limiting definition, as many people (e.g. gay men, lesbian women, women who don’t enjoy penetration but engage in other activities) have active sex lives in the absence of P-V penetration. They’re obviously not virgins,” says Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist.
What precedes penetration is likely more important than the positions themselves. “The prelude that will make for a hot experience,” says O’Reilly, “might include many things”:
Talking about and coordinating birth control and safer sex practices so you have less to worry about during the sexual experience
Talking about your likes, dislikes and boundaries with your partner
Getting riled up (through relaxation, touch, dirty talk, fantasy, toys, etc.) so that you’re highly aroused before penetration. Sex shouldn’t be painful (unless you want it to be, but that’s an entirely different topic), so if it hurts, it’s possible that you need to slow down and work on arousal over penetration.
As for the main act, there’s a lot of directions you can take which will feel amazing for both parties involved. And both of you should be having fun, always. “For any of these positions, make sure to start with plenty of foreplay so both partners can ease into penetration,” says Tristan Weedmark, We-Vibe’s Global Passion Ambassador. “The key to enjoyable first-time sex is preparation. There are several elements of foreplay that will make the first time better, but the most important is lubrication. Performing oral on each other will get you both ready, but still don’t forget to add some lube to the mix!”
Below, you’ll find five of the more simpler sex positions that exist in the world that should be no trouble for a first-timer.
There’ll be plenty of time to try those fancier, more gymnastic-esque positions down the road. For the first time, it’s important to ease into the basics. For many couples, the best way to ease into vaginal penetration is this classic, tried-and-true position. “Intimacy and eye contact are natural components of sex and in missionary position both partners get to feel comfortable and connected,” says Weedmark. “Because the guy will have more control over the pace, she’ll need to be sure to communicate what feels good.”
2. Backdoor Planking
It may sound like a yoga position (and it sort of is), it’s also a great variant for beginner sex. “Backdoor planking is a modified doggy style that still provides the sensation of having sex from behind without the deep cervical penetration that could feel uncomfortable for a beginner,” says Tyomi Morgan, sex educator/sexuality coach. In this position, the female partner lies on her stomach with two pillows positioned under her pelvis, and her partner straddles her legs to position himself closely to her vagina for rear entry. The female partner can lie comfortably while the male partner can access her vagina easily, taking things slow while increasing his thrusting depth as she becomes accustomed to his size.
This one’s always an easy go-to because it lends to intimacy and a deeper connection. Sex in the spooning position makes both partners feel close to each other, and that’s why it’s perfect for first time sex when one or both of you may be feeling somewhat nervous. “Penetration is relatively shallow in this position and spooning allows easy access to stimulate her clitoris and breasts,” notes Weedmark. “Plus, afterwards you’re in a great position to enjoy a post-sex nap.”
4. The Butterfly
Just because you are being respectful doesn’t mean you can’t experiment a little to find the groove that works for you. That’s part of the fun, and plus, the key to success is that she is very, very turned on. A position like this one is geared more toward her pleasure. “I very often suggest [this position] for virgins. She lays on her back with her hips off the bed. Her legs can either be wrapped around his hips, her feet can be flat on the floor or she can have her knees bent up to her breasts. This position allows for her to control the angle of penetration with her hips and both of them have hands free to explore one another and make sure the clitoris isn’t ignored,” says Katy Zvolerin, Director of Public Relations for Adam & Eve.
Plus, he can control the depth and speed of penetration that works for them both. This position also promotes intimacy through ease of eye gazing and kissing, which can be especially important your first time; it promotes communication, because you can see each other’s responses to stimulation.”
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5. Girl On Top
Girl on top positions are always a winner, especially if you like a great view. However, it’s also a solid way to let her control the speed and depth of penetration, and how things proceed. “When the girl is on top, it gives her the ability to control how deep and fast she is penetrated,” says Weedmark. Remember, it’s all about comfort for her while the guy does less of the work.
All illustrations by Carlee Ranger.
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