Do modern men say ‘I Love You’ Too Soon In Relationships?
How soon did you tell your partner “I love you”? If you’re under 35, male, and British, the chances are it was arguably too soon, as research from dating website eharmony has revealed that one in five millennials drop the L Bomb within a week of meeting a partner.
While every relationship and person is different, a week does seem a tad hasty – a symptom perhaps of the instant gratification age we live in, thanks so the culture of dating apps and social media likes. (It doesn’t take much for the Love Island contestants to start dishing out the L word, each with their eye on 15 minutes of instant fame).
Shouldn’t it be a big seminal moment in a relationship, taking you from one stage to the next? Isn’t it a precursor to moving in together and – of course – popping the big question?
And don’t you need to know a partner better than just a week’s worth of dating to truly fall in love? Some experts would say you might be setting yourself up for a fall by going in too hard and too fast on the “I love you” business.
Related: Best Hookup Sites & Apps
Rachael Lloyd, a relationship expert with eharmony said: “It’s staggering to learn that a tenth of Brits say ‘I love you’ to a partner within a week of meeting them. To say it so quickly is enthusiastic to say the least. And while it’s very romantic, it could leave you vulnerable because at this stage you’re still just getting to know each other.”
It flies in the face of the stereotype of British men as emotionally repressed and unable to express themselves for fear of awkward embarrassment. But it does support previous research in The Journal of Social Psychology that suggested that men fall in love faster than women.
The research found that on average, Brits declared their love after 108 days – just under four months – and say “I love you” 10 times a week. Scots are the fastest to drop the L-Bomb, expressing their amour 24 days sooner than the national average. Londoners say it after 132 days and the Welsh keep their partners hanging on for the longest by waiting 144 days to say it.
But when should we say “I love you”? Is there a tried and tested rule to ensure your relationship will succeed? In a word, no. Every relationship and person is unique.
Related: 7 Mistakes To Avoid During A First-Time Hook Up
“Since profound love needs time to develop, it isn’t reasonable to say ‘I love you profoundly’ after being together for just a brief time,” said Dr Aaron Ben-Zeev, author of In The Name of Love, writing in Psychology Today. “That may indicate that you are not serious about what is in fact a serious matter. However, since love at first sight can occur, you can say ‘I love you’ after a short time together if you are just expressing what you feel at that moment.”
Of course, it doesn’t take those three special words for most new couples to get down and dirty between the sheets, as two in five Brits (39%) have sex for the first time before saying “I love you”.
Interestingly, we say those three words 50% less often than we used to. Just five years ago we said it 15 times a week instead of just 10. But shouldn’t a relationship be about more that just words?
Rachael Lloyd from eharmony also said: “Our data suggests that couples who match on traits such as romanticism and sexual passion tend to have very happy relationships. But expressing love can come in different forms. For some couples it’s about thoughtful gestures rather than words, such as helping with household chores, buying thoughtful gifts, or never forgetting an anniversary or key moment together. Sometimes, less is more.”
You Might Also Dig: