How Your Sexual Past Could Explain A Lot About Who You Are
Each individual human is a special snowflake of a person, different from every other, and there is something beautiful about that. But as we go through life, the choices we make — which mattress to buy, when to show up to the party, whether to apply for that job or not — accumulate into personalities.
You may feel unique, but to an outsider, you might register as a “type.” Meaning, you’re someone who can be lumped in with a whole group of similarly minded people who speak and act in certain ways.
You might be someone who shops at a specific grocery store, listens to a certain type of music, or someone whose love life follows a certain pattern. Yes, our love lives can be very informative about who we are as people can’t help but categorise each other based on how they date, who they date, how long their relationships last, and so on. And really, there’s both a positive and negative spin to most dating identities out there.
Depending on your viewpoint, a woman who primarily dates rich men could be derided as a shallow gold digger, or praised as someone who knows her worth. An older guy who dates younger women could be seen as a lecherous creep, or as a man capable of attracting the most beautiful women around.
But what about the rest of us? What do our dating patterns look like, and what do they say about us? Here’s a look at five different types of guys and the meaning behind their love lives. So read on — you might recognise some guys you know … or even yourself.
1. The Serial Monogamist
The serial monogamist is a guy who is almost never single. If you fall out of touch for a few months, there’s a decent chance he’ll have a new partner the next time you run into him.
He’s not necessarily blowing through sexual partners at an alarming rate, but there is something seemingly unhealthy about the fact that the one constant in his life is a serious partner, regardless of who it is.
He’s managed to channel being attractive (whether physically, personality-wise or both) into never having to be lonely, and while that’s the dream for lots of other guys, the fact that none of his relationships last more than a year or two can mean he’s not exactly an ideal boyfriend.
Pro: Relative Attractiveness
Con: Afraid of Being Alone
2. The Player
The player is a guy who’s constantly getting lucky. His life is a whirlwind of first dates, hookups, flings, trysts, affairs, ghostings and angry texts from scorned former lovers. His sexual partners feel like they hit the jackpot the moment they enter into his orbit … until things go downhill from there.
To sleep with him is a roller coaster of sexual passion and emotional drama. He’s not interested in (or able to) stay with anyone for more than a month or two, and he might be sleeping with two or three other people all the while.
Sure, being his friend can be exciting — he’ll regale you with eyebrow-raising tales of his kinky threesomes, along with the time he slept with seven different people in the same week — but it can also feel pretty exhausting since he tends to bail on boys’ night for yet another Tinder date a lot of the time.
Pro: Sexually Dynamic
Con: Unable to Settle Down
3. The Incel
The incel (short for involuntarily celibate) is a guy who cannot seem to get laid, no matter what he does. Typically straight, he’ll often have a weird love/hate relationship with women, lusting after their attention while spurning them as an overall group.
None of that might affect the relationships he has with male friends, but he’ll struggle as they settle into long-term romantic relationships, which he feels are keeping them apart. On the other hand, you can re-frame his stubbornness and inability to land a partner as a rough-around-the-edges form of self love. Rather than re-fashion himself completely in an attempt to find a relationship or a sexual partner, he’s going it alone as the truest version of himself.
Pro: Unwilling to Compromise
Con: Still Working Things Out in His Life
4. The Settle-Downer
The settle-downer is a guy with dating behaviours probably seen as incredibly normal in the 20th century, but are now just weird. He met someone in his teens, dated them into his 20s, got married, and has thus far (to the best of your knowledge) only ever had sex with his spouse.
In a culture where dating apps and hookup sex are the norm, a guy settling down young can be a nice throwback to a simpler time. On the other hand, it could be a sign that he’s deeply afraid of the unknown and change.
Sure, the settle-downer might have met his soulmate at 15 years old … or he might be staying in a relationship that’s past its sell-by date because he can’t imagine striking out. The familiarity of being with this one person will seem great for a while, but if things eventually turn ugly, you’ll wish he’d casually dated a bit before going all-in on the relationship.
Con: Afraid of Change
5. The Late Bloomer
At first glance, the late bloomer might seem like an incel … that is, until things really turn around for him at some point in his mid-20s or later. Whether it’s because of a random hookup or first relationship, he’ll transition from that guy who was always lonely to a guy who isn’t.
Watching a late bloomer come into his own can be a wild experience — on the one hand, you’re happy as hell that he’s finally thriving, and on the other hand, seeing someone go through stuff most guys experience much earlier in their lives can be embarrassing and/or frustrating.
Of course, there’s a possibility that he’ll then immediately morph into a serial monogamist, a player or a settle-downer (or if things end up being a one-off, calcifying into an angry incel). Regardless of where things go, as the famous saying goes: It’s better to have loved and lost, even late in the game, than never to have loved at all.
Pro: Goes at His Own Pace
Con: Usually Late to the Game
Of course, as identifiable as these types are, that doesn’t mean they’re all-consuming, nor are they carved in stone. You can be a lot more than your dating history, and with the right attitude, you can change your fate — if you so choose.
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