Since I was 14 I have made myself sick when things get too much for me to handle
I’m 25 with two beautiful children and have an amazing partner, but I’m struggling with a big secret I’ve had for many years.
Since I was 14 I have made myself sick when things get too much for me to handle.
I was sexually abused by a close family member until I went into care at 13, and since then, making myself sick is the only thing that makes me feel more stable when I feel the world is becoming too much.
No one knows I do this, but I want to be able to cope with life without having to make myself sick. E
very time I decide to stop, all my emotions build up to more than I can take and I fall into old habits. I feel weak and stupid.
OK, first of all, you are not weak or stupid. You’ve survived what happened to you and gone on to have two beautiful kids with a lovely partner and you’re still only 25.
You are making a success of your life in spite of what happened to you as a child. You should be very proud of that.
However, you haven’t properly dealt with the very difficult emotions caused by the abuse and keeping it all inside is very stressful and hard.
Your way of dealing with it and trying to find some kind of control over these feelings is to make yourself sick.
You need to seek professional counselling as scary as that might seem to you.
And if you’re not quite ready to confide in your partner or anyone else close you will have an outlet for your feelings.
See your GP in the first instance and find out if you can be referred. Rest assured that everything you discuss will be treated in confidence.
It can also help to talk to other people who’ve been through something similar so you don’t feel so isolated.
You can get confidential advice from Rape Crisis which helps women who have experienced sexual abuse at any time in their lives, past or present (rapecrisis.org.uk, helpline 0808 802 9999).
Please don’t refuse help from people because you’re trying hard to protect everyone around you – they can only help and support you.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems