I had a brief affair when my partner was pregnant. It lasted less than a month and we stopped before it went too far.
It’s been nearly eight months since it ended, but I got a message out of the blue from the woman saying her husband had found out and was threatening to reveal all.
They finally sorted it out between them and are staying together and my partner still doesn’t know.
I love her with all my heart and regret what I did so much. I haven’t told her because I doubt she’d ever come into contact with this woman or her husband.
I have cut all contact with her and just want to move on with my family, but at the moment the guilt is getting to me.
I’m so scared of losing my partner if she finds out and don’t know what to do.
Can you help me?
Guilt is the penance for what you’ve done and for many people in your situation, the easiest thing to do is dump it on the wronged party and let them deal with it, whatever the outcome.
I can’t make the decision for you, but there are a few things to think about. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes – would you want to know?
If you’re both very happy and you know you won’t do it again, then ignorance can be bliss.
But what happens in 10 years if this woman’s spiteful hubby tracks you down and tells your partner?
Basically, you can either deal with the guilt yourself and hope the truth never comes out or come clean and hope she’ll get over it.
If you do tell her and you stay together, be prepared that it will change your relationship.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems