How do I explain to my wife how unhappy I am? We have been together for a long time and we recently got married. It was a wonderful day and I was very happy in our relationship.
However, a few years ago we moved to the other side of the country for her career. At the time I wasn’t very sure about it, but I love her and I really wanted her to be contented.
She said that the move was a good idea in order for us to make some money, but said that when we were married we would move back home.
Well, it’s four years on and we are now married, but my wife is no closer to committing to moving back home. I understand that she really loves her job, but I don’t think she understands how unhappy I am.
I really miss our family and friends – who we visit a few times a year – and have really struggled to fit in where we are or to make new friends in the area.
To make matters worse, my mum was very ill earlier in the year and is still recovering. I want to be there for her and I tried to explain this to my wife at the time. She said that as my siblings all live locally, they would be there to help, so not to worry. But I do, all of the time! The people back home always tell us how much they miss us, too. I have tried to bring up the subject and she just says, “We’ll see in a year or two”.
How can I make her understand how important this is to me? I really want her to be happy – but I want to be happy, too!
I think you have a right to be happy and she has gone back on her word. What you could do now is come up with a timescale you’re willing to go along with while having some goals to work towards. So, for example, suggest you’re happy to stay for another year, and then work out a schedule – when to start looking for new jobs, when to put your house on the market and so on.
But make it clear that you’re not going to change your mind about wanting to move back.
You also have to be realistic though, especially if she’s the main breadwinner. How easy will it be for her to get another job or could she be transferred within her current firm?
It’s all very well going back home to see friends and family, but it’ll be pretty miserable if you have no money. Think carefully about the pros and cons and how it will impact your lives on every level.
In the meantime, perhaps you can schedule in some weekends with your mum to help her out a bit and put your mind at rest.
It always takes a while to feel settled in a new area, but if you can honestly say you’ve given it your best shot and will never be happy, then I think it is best that you work out a plan and present it to her.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems