We have helped our daughter to pay for them to go out – he hasn’t put his hand in his pocket once and she even paid for his fare to our house
My 20-year-old daughter met this guy online a few months ago and my husband and I agreed he could come to visit for two weeks as he lives quite some distance away.
We welcomed him with open arms, although we felt very dubious.
Our daughter assured us everything would be fine.
Well, after a few days he is already showing he isn’t so nice.
He expects us to cook for him and hasn’t offered to help with anything – he just sits on the couch all day.
We have helped our daughter to pay for them to go out. He hasn’t put his hand in his pocket once and she even paid for his fare to our house.
I’m so stressed and I feel we have made a big mistake allowing this guy to live with us.
Thankfully, he’ll be going home soon – I’m counting the days!
But what’s sad is that I’ve argued with my daughter which is very rare for us.
I have tried to be tolerant, make lovely meals and help out, but he hasn’t once said thank you, he just stares at the food and is generally odd.
My daughter just said, “no one is perfect”, but I don’t understand it.
She is pretty, very clever and switched on, and yet she has allowed herself to be sucked in by this person.
My husband and I keep asking him if he has had a nice day and he doesn’t answer properly.
I can’t wait for him to leave so I can have a quiet chat with her, as I can’t open our home to this guy again.
How do we handle it?
I think you have to tread lightly. It’s very hard when your child brings someone home who you don’t like or have concerns about, but try not to blurt out what you feel as soon as the door closes behind him.
You could maybe point out a few things, like how odd it was that he never said thank you or offered to help, and didn’t seem to treat her very well.
Even if she doesn’t agree with you on the spot, she’ll go away and think about it so it’ll be in her mind the next time she sees him.
The problem is, if you go in all guns blazing it could backfire and push her towards him even more.
If she is as sensible as you say she is, she might realise two months down the line that he’s not the one for her.
It’s not easy to go out with someone who makes your family feel uneasy.
The bottom line is, you don’t have to open your home to him again, but if your daughter wants to date him, she’ll find a way to see him.
What you don’t want to do is alienate her.
I think your line should be, “It’s your life and if he makes you happy and you genuinely like him, then I’ll support you, but I think you can do better”.
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