Having a guy go down on you can be freaking wonderful. If they know what they’re doing and ask questions and are open to feedback there’s nothing else like it. However, there are definitely those guys who need a little extra help in the What Not to Do department. Here are my tips for what your dude should stop doing so you can both have a better time doing one of the best things ever.
1. Attacking our clit like it wronged you. I swear some dudes hear that women love clitoral stimulation and immediately think, Cool! That’s the only place I’ll target! There’s no way this plan could go wrong. Listen, the vulva and vagina are an amusement park with, like, 60 rides. Walk around a little.
2. Getting mad when we try to point you in the right direction. Dude, help us help you get us off. Our giving you feedback is not a personal attack. We just have the blueprints for how our shit works. Why not just let us show you them because you’re clearly not getting there on your own and that’s OK! Bodies are complicated.
3. Going right to our vulva. Cunnilingus isn’t always just for foreplay and should also have its own foreplay. Work up to it, please.
4. Making eye contact. Sorry but unless we say we loooove that, it’s just unnecessary.
5. Asking if we’re close. Most women will gladly tell you if they’re close, and if they don’t, constantly inquiring about the status of their orgasm isn’t a way to speed it up. It makes us feel like we have five minutes left to come before you leave our apartment and never come back.
6. Acting like you’re a sex wizard just because you made us come. I’m not saying we don’t appreciate it when guys are good at it because hells yes, we do. But also don’t go around patting yourself on the back just because you gave us an orgasm. More than anything it’s just incredibly unattractive.
7. Not asking what we like. It is so hot when a guy is straight-up like, “What do you like?” I know some women don’t want that and just want you to go straight for it, but there’s really something to be said for a guy who is like, “Hey, I’m open to suggestions.” Be that guy.
8. Stopping when we just told you not to stop. “Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” will never mean, “Speed up for no reason, which is not what you were doing before at all and what you were doing before was working.” Take note.
9. Sticking your tongue inside the vagina and just leaving it there. Different strokes, man, but for most women, they’re not looking for you to pretend your tongue is a little penis that just sits inside them doing nothing.
10. Avoiding the clitoris like you’re proving a point. This is the equivalent of, “Oh, I know where we’re going. I just want to be lost. That’s what makes me cool.” All we’re going to think is, I don’t think he knows what he’s doing.
11. Saying you don’t like going down on women or that you don’t do it at all. Hahaha. Boy, bye.