I’m falling in love with my brother-in-law.
Frankly, when I met them both five years ago, I think I chose the wrong one to marry. I know my husband has affairs , and at home he’s always cold and angry.
His family live nearby and his brother pops around. More and more he’s been there to comfort me, helping with my two-year-old son and even doing little jobs around the house.
We now realise we love each other. What can we do without causing unbelievable hurt to just about everyone we know?
I’m sorry, but to most people, this crosses the line, no matter how justified you feel in being betrayed and unloved.
Going off with his brother will split his family, upset and confuse your child, and is bound to give you years of added distress instead of the happiness and calm you crave.
In short, you can’t do this without causing widespread pain.
The next question is whether it might be worth it in the long run. His family may forgive him (except perhaps his brother) but they’ll likely always blame you.
This means you may never be welcome there again, and you’ll never be able to rely on them for help with child care etc.
Worst case scenario? Your husband may even seek custody of your child rather than let him live with his mother and uncle.
So separate the two issues. If your brother-in-law weren’t around, would you still want to leave your husband?
If you truly want to end your marriage, deal with that first. Get counselling.
Then if you and your “ex-brother-in-law” still want to get together, it’ll be obvious to everyone that one brother didn’t cause the other’s divorce or separation.
You are not alone. Many women fall for their brothers-in-law – often because they are looking for a more lovable version of their husband and they idealise the “unobtainable”.
To put it crudely, don’t use one brother to get rid of the other. You want it to be OK to use love as an excuse to do the unthinkable.
But it isn’t OK. And you already know that.
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