My husband left me for a woman he met at work. It’s been a long and difficult process as I have no family who live locally and have found it very hard to cope, both emotionally and practically.
My ex is very well paid, but is making the divorce complicated and has made sure he has the best representation. I feel I’ve lost enough already, having to accept that this woman has my husband.
He wants a bigger house to accommodate our children when they visit, so he’s looking to upgrade while I can’t even get a mortgage. I also have lawyers and, although they say I have a good case – I gave up a successful career to bring up my children – it still feels as if I’m being punished. I’m not sure where we’ll end up.
I’ve tried to be strong and have even met a lovely man who is supportive and positive, but the constant pressure and worry about the future is taking its toll. I think my ex is using it to his advantage.
I’ve tried to keep positive, but I’m finding it hard. Some days I just want to give up.
Divorce can be a lengthy and stressful process, even if it’s pretty amicable. I’ve been there myself. Somehow, it makes you feel bad about yourself, even if you have done nothing wrong and only want what you’re entitled to.
I remember being in court, feeling like a money-grabbing so-and-so, and wanting to stand up and say that if it hadn’t been for him sleeping with someone else, we wouldn’t be here!
I felt like throwing in the towel on several occasions and telling him he could have the lot. It was horrible after I moved out and she moved in, and I had to watch them enjoying their new life together while I was having sleepless nights worrying.
But listen to your legal team and don’t give up.
Of course it’s a lot more stressful for you than it is for your ex because you’re dealing with heartbreak and the kids, as well as the legal process. However, when you come through it and the financial side of things is sorted, it’ll be a huge relief and you can start to look to the future again.
You probably feel as if you can’t make plans with your new man right now while the divorce is going on, but don’t push him away either. Allow yourself to enjoy some nights out and, once the divorce is finalised, this new relationship could grown into something special.
Unfortunately, you have to go through this legal process in order to move on, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems