My fiance and I recently lost our baby girl and it has hit me really hard.
He is very keen on trying again right away for another baby, but I’m terrified after the trauma we endured during the last pregnancy.
My biggest fear, though, is that I’ll push him away as I really don’t feel like having sex at the moment. I don’t know what to do for the best. Please help.
You’ve experienced a huge loss and you’re both dealing with it in different ways.
His way is “let’s get on and try again” and yours is to take things slowly because you don’t feel ready to dive headlong into another pregnancy, which is totally understandable.
It’s going to take time to heal and while you’ll both deal with the grief in your own ways, you do need to talk about it and not get angry with each other.
I don’t think you will push him away if you tell him how you feel. He probably feels a bit useless and frustrated because he doesn’t know what to do to help you feel better, so he’s trying to ‘fix’ things.
Ultimately you want the same thing, you just have to talk about how to arrive at it. In the meantime, try to take some time out together – go on a holiday, for example – which will help you reconnect and relax.
I think it would also really help to talk about what you’ve been through.
There are a few really good organisations that can help with support and information, such as the Miscarriage Association (miscarriageassociation.org.uk; helpline: 01924 200 799), stillbirth and neo-natal death charity Sands ([email protected]) and Saying Goodbye (sayinggoodbye.org), which holds remembrance services for people who have lost a child at any stage of pregnancy, birth or in infancy.