I’ve been married for 20 years and have two teenage children. I have a lovely house and car, and work a few times a week.
Everyone considers my husband to be a lovely man and he is. But he gets very angry with me if I spend money on anything at all.
I admit I like nice things, but if I buy clothes, either for myself or our children or maybe even a vase, he berates me for it. Is it right for him to have total say over our money?
He yelled down the phone at me the other day when I was out buying a new mattress for our bed. I was extremely embarrassed because I was with the salesman at the time.
I took the decision to go out and buy the mattress on my own because if I had mentioned it to him, he would have said no, as he always does. Please help.
Of course it’s wrong to use money as a way of controlling another person. However, I don’t know how much you’re spending and if your joint incomes can sustain it.
Maybe you buying nice things you like is getting out of control? So the first thing to do is be honest with yourself about that. Is he frustrated because as soon as you both make money it’s gone?
However, if you’re spending within your means, then maybe you just have to accept that you’re married to a tight man.
Seriously though, if the only thing that’s affecting your otherwise lovely relationship is tension over money, then maybe you need to sit down together and work out a budget.
See what you’re left with after bills and what you’d each like to spend that money on.
Maybe he’d like to save some while you’d like to set some aside for clothes or a treat. Talk about it and try to compromise rather than butting heads.
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