My husband had an affair some years ago and he and the woman concerned ended up having a daughter together.
He wasn’t planning on telling me about the affair or the baby, and wouldn’t admit
to it for ages, but eventually I forced him into confessing.
When he finally did come clean about the affair he told me he wanted our marriage to survive, but forgiving him has been a real challenge.
We’ve been married for 18 years and have two daughters of our own.
I didn’t meet his child until she was a year old and she is now five. He has visitation rights every other weekend, but I no longer want to be a part of it.
Am I wrong? I’ve advised him to spend time with his daughter outside of our household, just temporarily, until I heal.
I need to be able to do this and to forgive my husband – but I’m still not there yet.
At the moment, I find that spending time with this child is a constant reminder of his affair.
And, yes, I totally understand that his daughter is completely innocent in all of this.
However, I just don’t feel that I can have a relationship with her right now.
Is that wrong?
I can see you feel very guilty about having these feelings but, no, I don’t think you
As long as your husband is having a relationship with his daughter, that’s the most important thing.
And you’re not saying you’ll never be able to have that relationship, just not at the moment because you’re having a tough time dealing with the fallout.
I’m sure you understand that you shouldn’t stop him from seeing his daughter – you’re right, she is innocent in this and deserves to have her father in her life.
If you were trying to stop that, that would be wrong.
For the time being, he can take her out to the park and there are plenty of other things they can do together outside the house.
Then, when you feel ready to deal with it, build up to your meetings slowly.
We all deal with things in different ways and for some of us it takes longer than for others, so stop giving yourself a hard time.
He cheated on you and had a child with his mistress – some women would never get over that betrayal.
But with more time and with healing, hopefully you will be able to get to a place where you can have a relationship with this little girl.
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