There’s lots of advice out there for having great sex. Adventurous sex, romantic sex. We’re into it all. But what about simply… more successful sex? What can you be doing in bed to make things, well, last? Are there sex positions where we can last longer and enjoy either more fully?
The short answer is, yes. And a lot of it has to do with taking a second to slow down and breathe. But consider blood flow, too. “Some experts remind guys with erectile concerns that they should consider blood flow (including the effect that gravity has on blood flow) and choose positions that can be naturally enhanced by circulation and gravity. So: On top rather than on the bottom, where the blood has to fight gravity to get into the erection and maintain its firmness. If the erection is pointing downward, that’s the position which will be most enhanced by gravity’s effects,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations staff sexologist and co-author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.
Slow and steady wins the race. “It’s also worth remembering that in the ordinary course of lovemaking, erections can come and go and it’s quite natural—they will frequently come back again too. When people learn not to depend solely on the erection, and to keep sexy fun going via fingers, tongues, toys, etc., it helps make evanescent erections much less of a big deal, and keeps things erotic, which can encourage a renewed hard-on,” says Queen.
Keep Things Active
Maintain body contact in other areas when doing so to give optimal pleasure. You can do this by kissing her, breathing on her neck, having your chests rub together or holding her by the back of her neck. “I don’t put it in all the way until I want to cum. It will become a ritual your body will adapt to and you will have ultimate control,” says Nick Hawk, star of Showtime’s reality show Gigolos.
If you’re worried that you’re about to ejaculate prematurely, Hawk suggests, “stop and change positions. I enjoy a good buildup before I release regardless, and you do this by stopping and squeezing your pelvic floor muscles just before climax. This takes a little practice, and you can practice by yourself,” says Hawk.
Take it slow. “I know some girls are going to want to get down fast and hard, but most don’t. And once again, control the situation and begin to train your body to have more control,” says Hawk. The orgasm is mostly mental. You have can eventually have complete control over it. Learn how to control your mind. “If you just think sex-sex-sex the entire time you will build yourself up near orgasm before you even start. Think about her and take care of her first, then worry about yourself,” says Hawk.
So what are some great sex positions to help you last longer? Let’s take a look:
1. Lady On Top
Woman on top positions allow the woman to control the pace, pressure and depth of the sexual experience. “By paying attention to how the male partner is responding to the stimulation she can slow down or grind instead of thrusting to prolong the experience,” says Tristan Weedmark, We-Vibe’s global passion ambassador.
How to: While lying on your back, she straddles you and takes control of the main event.
“This is where a man presses the top of his shaft against the vulva at a 90 degree angle,” says Ian Kerner, a New York-based sex therapist.
How to: In this position, the man uses the topside of his penis not for penetration but to rub against the clitoris. “Think of it as using the penis as a sex toy! This is a great position to last longer because the top side of the penis contains far fewer nerve endings than the underside. Here, the guy should also consider using Promescent, an FDA-compliant topical spray that helps men stay erect longer. Spray on the underside of the penis and massage it in. This will help to reduce sensitivity,” says Kerner.
How to: Lie behind your partner, facing in the same direction. Lying slightly below your partner enter from this position. Take advantage of this close position and use your hands, or a mini-vibe like Touch by We-Vibe, to provide extra stimulation to her vulva/clitoris during sex, says Weedmark.
4. C.A.T. (Coital Alignment Technique)
This position is not so much about making men last longer as it is about helping women reach climax through direct clitoral stimulation. “A position equally satisfying for both men and women improves the odds of women experiencing orgasm through penetration,” says Weedmark.
How to: This is a variation of a position you probably know very well, the missionary position. “Start in missionary and lightly lower your body down onto your partner’s to maintain as much contact between your bodies as comfortable. Prop her hips toward you for even more contact. Now, slide your body forward toward her head and back again — this is a rocking position rather than thrusting. Feel free to move in more than one direction but focus on maintaining contact between your bodies,” says Weedmark. This rocking motion will provide direct stimulation to her clitoris. Play with the angle to find the ideal position for optimal stimulation for both of you.