I’ve been married to my second husband for eight years. It was never a great love match.
I was with my first husband for 26 years and we have two children. I thought we were happy so I was devastated when he left me for a mutual friend.
It took a few years but I finally picked myself up, dusted myself down and decided to move on. I joined an online dating site and met a lovely local widow.
After three years we got married and even though I never really loved him in the way I did my first husband, he made me happy and was good company.
However, in the last few years he’s taken early retirement and has started to drink more which has made him short tempered.
Eight months ago he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This has made him drink even more and now I can’t bear to be in the same room as him because he’s often drunk and either verbally abusive or incoherent.
I want to leave him but he’s dying of cancer so what on earth would everybody think?
However, I can’t bear to waste these precious years on somebody who makes me so unhappy. My children think I should leave him.
As harsh as this may sound, I agree with your children. If you’d just fallen out of love with him but he was lovely and had cancer, it would be a harder decision to make. But he’s got a terrible drinking problem and he’s not treating you very well.
Of course you may get people saying, “I can’t believe you did that when he’s dying”, but they’re not the people having to live with him.
But your true friends – and your children – will know the truth.
We can’t ever live our lives worried about what people might think. You can leave him in a nice way, if that’s the right word. And you can tell him that if he ever needs you for anything then you’ll be there.
But you need to explain to him that you just can’t live with him any more. It will be incredibly difficult, but I believe it will be worth it.
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