My fiance died of cancer two years ago and I still miss him terribly. So far, I haven’t been at all interested in finding a new man. The last thing I want is a relationship.
However, I do feel lonely. Everyone I know is now married and/or has children. I feel like I’m missing out, even though I don’t think I’m ready for any of that.
What’s your advice?
What you’re going through is really tough, but it’s hard to put any kind of time frame on grief. What I would say is, don’t allow it to turn into guilt, preventing you from moving on, because your fiance wouldn’t have wanted that.
Often after a partner dies, even admitting to yourself that you’re ready to move on can make you feel guilty and it shouldn’t. It’s horrendous that your fiance is no longer here, but sitting at home being lonely isn’t going to change that, sadly.
Moving on doesn’t have to mean going out and looking for a boyfriend. Some people might deal with it that way, but it might take others several years.
You can take baby steps. Even just socialising more with friends is one step closer to healing. And it doesn’t mean you didn’t love your fiance or wouldn’t have spent the rest of your life with him.
If you haven’t had bereavement counselling, I would recommend it. It’s important to voice how you feel and I know you don’t always want to talk to loved ones about it.
Try contacting Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk). Good luck.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems