Great sex involves every part of you. It happens when you let go and give into the moment and your feelings for each other. The way that you view yourself affects how much you let go. Whether you’re bigger or “skinny,” your weight has an effect on your sex life.
I got married to the love of my life at 18 years old. I was average, and our sex life was hot. As I got older and had to work jobs I hated, I turned to food as a coping mechanism. I gained 170 pounds in five years and hated how I looked. This negative self-image crept into our sex life.
I didn’t want the lights to be on because I was ashamed of how big I had gotten. I couldn’t give into the experience because, in my mind, I was wondering if my wife was picturing herself having sex with someone who looked better than me. I pulled away, and what once was a steamy sex life, turned into a constant argument.
Here are five ways my weight affected my sex life — and could be hurting yours.
1. It Can Kill Your Confidence
There is nothing sexier than a confident man (or woman). Your weight can kill your confidence if it’s not where you want it to be. Great sex requires confidence in yourself and what you’re doing. You can’t be confident if the only thought on your mind is a negative view of yourself. The lack of confidence can make you feel like less of a man.
2. It Can Drain Your Energy
What you eat and how active you are (through exercise) affects your energy levels. Everyone who reads this will have a different kind of sex life, but all of them require energy — especially for those longer sessions. If you are overweight or out of shape, you won’t last as long or enjoy it as much because the energy won’t be there.
3. It Can Affect The Experience
If you are somewhere else in your mind and lacking confidence, the quality of your sexual experience will be diminished. Quality sex isn’t necessarily about the length or number of positions; it’s about how involved you are with each other and whether or not you can find those pleasures points. Your weight can kill the quality and force great sex to be replaced with quickies.
4. It Can Hurt Your Thoughts
If you are worried about what your partner is thinking, or your thoughts are caught up in your weight, you can’t let go. Your thoughts should be focused on who you’re with and the pleasure of the experience can bring. Your weight can cloud the healthy thoughts that allow you to fully enjoy sex.
5. It Can Make Your Sex Life HOT
If you are making healthy food choices and exercise regularly, you are in a good position. You can come into the bedroom and use that energy to give into your animal urges. Let go and be there in that moment of pleasure. Enter the bedroom with confidence and leave exhausted.
Over a two-year period, I was able to lose 170 pounds and get to my ideal weight. As the weight came off, my confidence returned. My energy levels grew as I exercised and made healthy food choices. I felt good about myself, and that allowed me to relax in the bedroom. Today, our sex life is even better than back then.
If you struggle with your weight, take the journey to change one day at a time. When you think about the enormity of any change, it feels impossible. When you break it down, you work on it a little bit at a time. Focus on creating healthy habits in your life. Don’t let your health keep you from enjoying one of life’s greatest pleasures.