Recently my partner and I split up. We have two children aged three and six and he was always a brilliant dad – until the realisation hit him that we won’t be getting back together.
The last time he had our children he took the eldest aside and told her that this would be the last time she would see him, he is no longer her daddy and to address him by his first name.
This disgusted me, but a part of me still wants him to see the kids as they love him and it hurts me to think they’ll be without a father.
However, I don’t want them to go through such hurt again if he does decide he won’t see them. What should I do?
You’re right, the way he has behaved is utterly disgusting.
I don’t know the reasons for your break-up, but he’s clearly hurting and angry, and using your children as a weapon to hurt you back. Sadly, the people he’s really hurting are his kids.
Before your kids go near him again you need to meet him and drum it into him that he could be making the biggest mistake of his life with his children.
Tell him you’re sorry he’s hurting and that he can say what he wants to you or never speak to you again, but ask him not to destroy your kids by telling them he’s not their daddy and won’t be seeing them.
You’ve only recently split up and I’m hoping that when the dust settles and emotions aren’t so raw he’ll realise that what he did was wrong and it was done in anger.
I’m hoping he’ll want to make arrangements to start seeing the children regularly and to prove to them how much he loves them.
Keep this letter in case you need to show it to your kids when they’re older.
As cruel as your ex is being, you are trying to find a way for him to see the children.
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