My ex and I dated for about a two and a half years. We were perfect for each other, there was no question about it.
He loved me and I loved him, but a bit further down the line we started having issues – and lots of arguments.
We broke up for about a month and then rekindled things where we left off, but he was no longer the same guy I fell in love with. He’d changed within that month.
He was rude and talked to other girls behind my back, so we called it a day… again.
Recently, he walked back into my life after a year and said he’d changed. He didn’t want to make anything official, though, he just wanted me as a friend with benefits, I suppose.
But I fell for him again, of course. I’m a nice person with a big heart and he knows how to get me to do what he wants.
He’s now a workout fanatic and I’m not very fit. I recently lent him money and we communicate, but I feel as if he is only using me because he’s been talking about another girl, saying that she is perfect, but he’s not in her league. He called her skinny and beautiful.
I feel so hurt and I know I need to move on, but it’s hard. How do I move on from the love of my life? I don’t usually fall for someone like this.
This isn’t my first rodeo! I can’t help loving him, but he isn’t attracted to me any more now that he is so into fitness. Why can’t I say no to him?
I wish I could wave a magic wand to give you the strength to dump him, but it has to come from you.
Why not start by making a list of exactly what you find attractive about him and another list of all the things he’s done to hurt you, then give it some proper consideration?
And I disagree with you – I don’t think he is the love of your life. Remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. You must have had good reasons at the time.
Looking at this positively, you managed to live without him for a year before he waltzed back in with his list of terms and conditions.
Stop listening to your heart and listen to your head. And if you need help with that, ask your friends.
I’m sure they can help you see sense. If you don’t take action now, you could be writing to me in 10 years, still just his friend with benefits and you won’t have given yourself the opportunity to meet anyone else.
Letting someone go is painful and it takes time to get it over it, but you know it’s the right thing to do.
Let him go off with his skinny girl and tell him you’re ecstatic you’re “not in his league” because you’ll always be a nicer, better person whatever size or shape you are. Nothing he does at the gym can make him attractive on the inside.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems