I recently started seeing a girl. We’re both 20 and at uni, and after a few dates, I quickly realised she meant a bit more to me than other girls I’d been seeing.
One night we got drunk and ended up sleeping together. We both discussed that we felt things could get more serious for us, but now she’s gone cold on me and speaks about her ex-boyfriend who’s now trying to get back into her life.
She wants to be “just friends”, although she does say she still fancies me. She also said if she wasn’t with him then we could move on. I’m devastated.
Don’t let yourself be strung along like this. She’s throwing you a couple of bones in case it doesn’t work out with her ex.
You’re her fallback guy – is that what you want to be?
It’s tough when you fall in love for the first time and that person doesn’t feel the same way but, to quote that terrible cliche, there are plenty more fish in the sea. You just haven’t met them yet.
Right now, I don’t think you can be “just friends”. You’ve already crossed the line into something more than friendship and now she’s retreating while you want more.
Can you really be friends with her when she’s talking about her former bloke all the time while you want to be her boyfriend?
As hard as it is, I think you have to explain to her that you can’t be friends with her while you feel something more.
Maybe it won’t work out with her ex but, until then, walk away and give yourself the chance to move on with someone else.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems