My parents broke up five years ago when my mum started having an affair with another woman at work. At the time it was awful. I was 23 and still living at home and my dad took it really badly, which is understandable.
He never saw it coming and had no idea my mum was attracted to other women. I think he felt humiliated and a failure, too, and didn’t know how to cope with telling other people. It was awful for him.
My mum was the one to move out and she went to live with her new partner. I stayed at home with my dad.
Since then, I’ve moved into a flat with my fiance and we’re getting married in June, which is very exciting. Our only issue is that my dad is refusing to go if my mum and her partner are there.
Obviously, I want my dad to give me away and I want both my parents there as it’s the most important day of my life. He won’t budge, though, so where does that leave me? Any advice would be really appreciated.
Families! They’re great aren’t they? Part of me wants to shake your dad by the shoulders and just tell him to get over it. His ex fell in love with another woman – he can’t fight that. Plus this should be about you. It’s your day. And from your dad’s point of view, it’s a day he can never get back. If he doesn’t go, he will regret it for years to come.
If your parents haven’t been in a room together in five years, I understand that it would be awkward if they left it until your wedding day to see each other. Try and get your parents together beforehand in a neutral place like a coffee shop or a bar and ask them if they can see their way to putting what happened behind them for one day at your wedding.
The grown-up thing for them to do would be to agree, even if they go back to being angry and bitter afterwards!
If you leave it to the wedding and they both show up, it could all erupt in a row, spoiling your day.
As for your dad feeling humiliated, I get it, but that’s life and the wedding is about you, not him. He’s letting his pride get in the way of what will be a beautiful day.
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