I was separated from my husband when he slept with another woman he met at a bar. He went home with her and had sex three times. She wanted him to stay the night, but didn’t. However, he called her back for another date, went back to her place and they had sex again.
At this point she started to ask questions. I think she suspected he was married, but he didn’t give her any details. They went out a third time and had sex again. This is when they both decided to end it.
My problem is, I’m now trying again with him and I’m obsessed with why she wanted to keep sleeping with him, suspecting he was married. I’ve been trying to move on, but when we make love all I can think about is the two of them in bed. Please help.
Why are you focusing on her? If he doesn’t care about his marriage, why should she? And if he’s giving her a load of flannel, then she might have come to the conclusion that he was single. My advice is to stop focusing on her. Who knows why she slept with your husband several times – maybe he was promising the earth.
Concentrate on him and his reasons. In my experience, men tend to look at ‘being on a break’ differently to women. They look at it as being single and having the freedom to do whatever they want without any guilt, whereas women tend to use that time to analyse the relationship.
Now you’ve decided to move on together, you can’t keep going over what happened when you were on a break. You’ll never make any progress. Look at the reasons you split in the first place and work on sorting those out. And maybe if you decide to separate in future, you need to agree on the rules of the break first – i.e., if you’re free to sleep with other people or not.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems