I met my boyfriend three years ago at our workplace. It just started out as a friendship but then he became one of my best friends and that eventually turned into a relationship.
Everything was going amazingly. I had never been with a man who treated me so well and who actually showed me what true love meant.
Somewhere down the line things have changed. He used to be this fun, outgoing, loving person and now we barely even talk. We also hardly sleep together any more.
Everything started to go downhill when we finally got our own place. I’ve no idea why. And no matter how many times I tell him how I feel, nothing seems to change.
He’s just so miserable, but he still sits there telling me he loves me and he doesn’t want to be with anyone else. His actions show otherwise, though.
He is also still legally married and although I’ve brought up the divorce several times, he never does anything about it. It’s hurtful because, technically, I’m living with a married man.
As far as I know he has no contact with his ex, so why won’t he just file for divorce so he can build a future with me?
He never shows me any kind of love now unless he sees that I’m visibly upset.
I love him so much, but don’t know how much longer I can stick around.
Stop getting upset and tell him straight that you’re seriously thinking of leaving him.
The thing is, it’s easy to say “I love you”, but you have to prove it, too. He can’t just say it and then slump on the couch and ignore what’s going on.
I don’t know what’s at the root of the change in his attitude – that’s what you need to find out. He might be unhappy in the relationship, but worried about hurting you by telling you the truth.
The thing is, you’re already unhappy and the only way to move on together or apart is to be brutally frank with each other.
Maybe he does love you, but just as a friend and doesn’t know quite how to tell you that. Perhaps he hasn’t properly dealt with his marriage ending and jumped into a relationship with you too quickly.
Now the initial excitement and passion have gone, maybe he realises that and doesn’t know how to deal with it.
Yes, divorcing someone is hard work and it’s stressful, but if you really loved your partner and wanted to prove it to them, you’d get on with it.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems