I was with my ex for almost three years before we broke up. He ended things saying he hadn’t been happy for a long time. I suspected there was someone else, but he denied it.
Three months before we broke up he was just acting differently. When I started becoming suspicious that there was someone else, he told me I was being stupid and he just had work stuff on his mind.
Then he ended things and barely a month later was openly dating someone else, who I eventually found out he’d been seeing for a few months behind my back.
I felt stupid and also a failure. We have two kids together and it was as if it was my fault their dad was no longer with us. But he is still a huge presence in their lives, so I can’t fault him as a father.
It took me nearly a year to heal, to even be able to look in the mirror and feel good about myself. Then, a month or so ago, I unexpectedly met someone who I’ve been seeing since, but now my ex wants me back.
He says he’s ending things with the girl he left me for, although he hasn’t done so yet because he said it’s “complicated”. His apartment is in her name and there is shared money in the deposit.
Now he wants me to dump my new guy and work things out with him, saying he wants his family back.
It seems as if my ex is making an effort – he is around more, we have discussed everything that happened openly, and I do still love him.
However, I feel conflicted. I really like this new guy and would like to see where it goes. But at the same time I’d love to work things out with my kids’ dad.
How do I ever trust him again, though? And am I giving up the possibility of something really good with this new man? Help!
Well, I’m intrigued that he’s come back and said all this only since you’ve got a new guy.
Sounds like a case of the old green-eyed monster – he can’t bear the thought you’re over him and that someone else has come along who finds you attractive.
I understand the perfect scenario is that you want to be with the father of your kids and keep your family together, but I certainly wouldn’t rush into dumping this new guy.
Your ex is still making excuses, this time about why he can’t leave his girlfriend. And he’s doing to her now what he did to you a year ago – I bet she has no idea what he’s up to.
In my mind, if he really wanted you back, he’d be finishing it, however complicated it was to arrange.
You’ve done so well on your own and turned a corner recently, so you should be really proud. If I were you, I’d tell him you’re not making any promises right now and that you’ll talk to him – if and when he sorts his life out and is no longer with his girlfriend.
If he doesn’t want to be with her, he should end things, regardless of whether you’re in the picture or not.