I have this friend who is always asking me to lend her money. She walked out on her job because she hated it. I don’t exactly love my job either but it’s a job and it pays the bills.
My friend hasn’t worked in over a year but she’s not entitled to any benefits because her partner is earning enough and she’s been relying on him.
She says this causes big rows because her teenage son lives with them and he eats them out of house and home.
I get all the sob stories. She called me one night saying they literally had no food in the house and she asked me for a loan until her partner got paid.
I lent her £20, so they could get some groceries, but I later found out she has also been asking the mums of her son’s friends for loans as well, giving them the same sob stories.
Then she had the cheek to tell me £20 wasn’t enough and she bombarded me with texts asking for more.
Even more annoying, I found out she spends these loans on treats like cinema trips and strawberries and cream.
She does eventually pay me back when her partner gets paid, but I don’t feel I’m here to help out with treats when she’s told me she needs essentials like toilet roll and cereal.
I don’t know the other mums but they have started to say no to her. I did the same when she requested a loan at the weekend but she made me feel so awful about it. I’ve told her I have my own family to look after and that it makes me uncomfortable – her problems aren’t my problems after all. It makes me so angry!
She puts such pressure on me and I’ve been brought up to be kind so it’s hard not to give in to her. Am I too nice or being soft in the head?
Well, I know this much, your friend is taking advantage of you. I think you need to stick to your guns and simply say you can’t afford it, and that you need to budget for everything.
Or instead of handing her £20, the next time you’re going to the supermarket ask if you can pick up anything for her and she can pay you back for what you buy.
However, I don’t think you should doing that every week either, because where does it stop?
I can’t help thinking she’s trying it on. If money is such an issue surely she’d take any job, even a temporary one, until something better came along.
Plus, her partner earns good money, which means they obviously need to budget better.
Funnily enough, when I was younger I had a friend just like yours.
We’d get to the first bar on our night out and she’d say she had no money so we’d buy her drinks and then we’d want some food, but she’d say she’d have to go home, so we’d stump up the cash for that too because we didn’t want her to feel left out.
It was a regular thing and eventually it wears you down – it’s one of the quickest ways to lose friends.
Ultimately, you’re not helping your friend by giving her money. If she really was on the breadline and couldn’t feed her son, that’s different.
Tell her you simply can’t afford to wait for her partner to get paid each month so you can get your money back.